The truth is…
Just like I feared, when I got the phone call about his death, I had to hear over and over again how he had told anyone who asked or would listen that my son wasn’t his child. He had even gone so far as to tell them he had a DNA test done. When, Sway, like when? I had to hear over and over again how even though he was a habitual liar, womanizer and didn’t take care of any of his kids (he has 8, 9 including mine) that the one thing he has never done is deny his kids. But I have forgiven him. And one of the goods thing for me that comes from his death was the death of the black cloud that had been keeping me in hiding in a lot of ways. I was afraid to level up in business, I was afraid to be on certain platforms because the fear always remained what if he told the world his lies.
Not only have I dealt with this issue, but I’ve healed from it. Even when things don’t end on a good note there are still scars left behind. I’ve let go and I’m not bothered by all the questions, doubts or concerns of others. I’m my son’s mother and thankfully my incredible husband is now his father so the rest of this is over, gone are all the lies, the drama and the man that tried to destroy me but only broke me for a moment. R.I.P!
Is there something in your past or present that’s keeping you stuck because you’re afraid of it getting out?
Are you ready to learn how to heal from your past traumas?
Tired of living in the shame and worry of what might get out because you haven’t dealt with it or healed from it?
When I went through this I was able to tap into my network and work with my Master Life Coach. (If you find a life coach that doesn’t have a life coach keep moving). But I know many of you may be searching for resources at your fingertips. Here is a great one I found online:
Ways to Heal
There is a range of options for dealing with your grief in a healthy and conscious way. You may find that some will work for you, and some will not. Some of the activities mentioned below may be difficult or impossible, depending on your mental and emotional state, but the range of options available means you can choose and try as you see fit. Keep in mind that none of these suggestions is a surefire solution, as not everything works for everyone. Let go of your expectations, take your time, and find out what works for you.
Recognize Grief
First, understand that there is no “correct” way to grieve. Grieving is not something you should be expected to simply “get over.” Rather, it is a process of learning how to live in a world without your loved one. It is quite normal to experience a variety of high and low emotions over a long period of time.
Take Care of Yourself
The stress of grieving can take its toll on your mind and body, so continuing to meet your emotional and physical needs is of the utmost importance. Don’t neglect your health and well-being. Make sure you continue to eat right, exercise and get enough sleep. You may want to try holistic options to treat your grief symptoms.
Talk to People
While some people prefer to grieve in private, some find talking to people immensely helpful. No one should be expected to grieve alone. Accept assistance when it is offered to you, and let people know if you want to talk. Be specific when expressing your needs to others. Most people want to help, but simply don’t know how.
Join Grief Support
Research support groups that meet in your area such as in hospitals, religious groups, counseling centers, and hospice facilities. By talking to others who are grieving, you can find a healthy outlet for your thoughts and feelings amongst people who may be having similar experiences. You can also seek out therapy with a grief counselor, who is trained to assist you in working through your intense emotions. Visit the Local Resources page, where you can find qualified Grief Counseling and Therapy professionals, or locate drop-in grief support meetings in your area on our End-of-Life Calendar of Events.
Keep Your Loved One’s Favorite Belongings
Give yourself time, at least a year, before making any decisions regarding your loved one’s things. While it was once thought that those grieving should rid themselves of old personal objects in order to “move on,” we now know that people can connect strongly with the person they’ve lost through their belongings.
Holding onto personal objects can help you keep cherished memories alive, and you may gain comfort from the sensory experience of the object. Enjoy the familiar smells, touch, and sounds associated with your memories. It could be wearing their favorite sweater, calling their old phone number once in a while, or carrying a special watch in your pocket.
Draw Comfort From Spirituality and Religion
If you are religious, you may find comfort in the mourning traditions of your religion. Ritual has a profound effect on the human spirit and can greatly aid the healing process. If you are spiritual, praying or meditating can be soothing exercises and can help you find peace under new circumstances. Take the opportunity to talk to clergy and other spiritual leaders in your community. Understand that it is not uncommon to question your spirituality after the shock of a loss. Approach your beliefs at your own pace, until you find a comfortable relationship with them.
Express Yourself Creatively
If you enjoy or thrive on creative expression, you may want to make it part of your grieving process. Focusing on creative projects under the duress of grief may be difficult, but this feeling generally passes as your grief evolves. Take the time to write in a journal, keep a blog, create a memory book, or sew a quilt out of old clothing. Find an outlet in drawing and painting, poetry, or music. Perhaps you’d like to get involved in a cause that was close to the heart of the person you lost. Finding a productive way to work through your grief and create something beautiful from the experience can be immensely therapeutic, and your work may even inspire others who are also grieving.
Spend Time Practicing Favorite Hobbies
If you are ready and willing to engage in activities, try keeping yourself busy doing the things you’ve always enjoyed. Go see a movie, visit your library, take hikes, work in the garden, or participate in a book club. Keep up with your favorite projects or perhaps find something new that interests you.
Engage in Physical Activity
Get outside in the fresh air, appreciate your surroundings, and simply meditate on new life perspectives. Join a gym or yoga class, or try new walking routes and locations. Your area may include a walking labyrinth, which can be a peaceful place to get some calming, meditative exercise.
Seek Out Healing Art and Literature
Watch films, seek out exhibits, or read books and stories that deal with loss. Find narratives that you relate to and gain comfort in.
Talk to a Doctor
You may feel that speaking to a trained professional will help you to cope with the emotional and physical stress of grief. If so, or if you are having great difficulty in performing everyday tasks, consult with your physician about your options. Many find that properly-prescribed drugs can lighten the burden of grief and aid in the healing process.
Join a Healing Retreat
A day spa or retreat can be a vital physical and mental experience to help you mend, rejuvenate, and begin your new life. A day of relaxation and massage at a local spa, or a weekend or week-long retreat, either group or solo, with healing activities and possibly spiritual guidance can lift your spirits. Visit our Local Resources section to find local, national, and global Spas & Healing Retreats.
Healing and true GROWTH are part of my magical powers and I’d love to assist you in your journey of doing the same. Schedule a heart to heart chat with me HER
See, as I said in Part I earlier during my pregnancy there were warning signs that this would happen, but I tried to ignore them. During my pregnancy, he had said the same thing to one of his “women” and then asked me to tell her the same because he was afraid she was going to cut his phone off. He said the same thing a second time when a woman he was “seeing” found pictures of my ultrasound and pregnancy pictures and texted 10 different women in his phone, including me. And he basically did it a third time when I dropped by his house days before going into labor, and he wouldn’t let me in because one of his “women” were on their way and he didn’t want to get caught with me 10 months pregnant standing there.
He had said it before, so why did this hurt so bad
So it wasn’t really his words that hurt me, because he had said them before. It was the fact that he said it to my face in front of all his family and kids. It was the public shame, the fact that other people were questioning my integrity, and possibly seeing me as a hoe, that hurt. It was the fact that I had to answer a million and two questions from my family and friends about why he would say something like that. Here was a man who knew me for 10 years, he knew all of the things I had been through with men especially my other children’s fathers and he was, in my eyes, allowing the world to question the one thing no one ever questioned before, ME.
His death made me deal and then heal
Just like I feared, when I got the phone call about his death, I had to hear over and over again how he had told anyone who asked or would listen that my son wasn’t his child. He had even gone so far as to tell them he had a DNA test done. When, Sway, like when? I had to hear over and over again how even though he was a habitual liar, womanizer and didn’t take care of any of his kids (he has 8, 9 including mine) that the one thing he has never done is deny his kids. But I have forgiven him. And one of the goods thing for me that comes from his death was the death of the black cloud that had been keeping me in hiding in a lot of ways. I was afraid to level up in business, I was afraid to be on certain platforms because the fear always remained what if he told the world his lies.
Not only have I dealt with this issue, but I’ve healed from it. Even when things don’t end on a good note there are still scars left behind. I’ve let go and I’m not bothered by all the questions, doubts or concerns of others. I’m my son’s mother and thankfully my incredible husband is now his father so the rest of this is over, gone are all the lies, the drama and the man that tried to destroy me but only broke me for a moment. R.I.P!
Is there something in your past or present that’s keeping you stuck because you’re afraid of it getting out?
Are you ready to learn how to heal from your past traumas?
Tired of living in the shame and worry of what might get out because you haven’t dealt with it or healed from it?
When I went through this I was able to tap into my network and work with my Master Life Coach. (If you find a life coach that doesn’t have a life coach keep moving). But I know many of you may be searching for resources at your fingertips. Here is a great one I found online:
Ways to Heal
There is a range of options for dealing with your grief in a healthy and conscious way. You may find that some will work for you, and some will not. Some of the activities mentioned below may be difficult or impossible, depending on your mental and emotional state, but the range of options available means you can choose and try as you see fit. Keep in mind that none of these suggestions is a surefire solution, as not everything works for everyone. Let go of your expectations, take your time, and find out what works for you.
Recognize Grief
First, understand that there is no “correct” way to grieve. Grieving is not something you should be expected to simply “get over.” Rather, it is a process of learning how to live in a world without your loved one. It is quite normal to experience a variety of high and low emotions over a long period of time.
Take Care of Yourself
The stress of grieving can take its toll on your mind and body, so continuing to meet your emotional and physical needs is of the utmost importance. Don’t neglect your health and well-being. Make sure you continue to eat right, exercise and get enough sleep. You may want to try holistic options to treat your grief symptoms.
Talk to People
While some people prefer to grieve in private, some find talking to people immensely helpful. No one should be expected to grieve alone. Accept assistance when it is offered to you, and let people know if you want to talk. Be specific when expressing your needs to others. Most people want to help, but simply don’t know how.
Join Grief Support
Research support groups that meet in your area such as in hospitals, religious groups, counseling centers, and hospice facilities. By talking to others who are grieving, you can find a healthy outlet for your thoughts and feelings amongst people who may be having similar experiences. You can also seek out therapy with a grief counselor, who is trained to assist you in working through your intense emotions. Visit the Local Resources page, where you can find qualified Grief Counseling and Therapy professionals, or locate drop-in grief support meetings in your area on our End-of-Life Calendar of Events.
Keep Your Loved One’s Favorite Belongings
Give yourself time, at least a year, before making any decisions regarding your loved one’s things. While it was once thought that those grieving should rid themselves of old personal objects in order to “move on,” we now know that people can connect strongly with the person they’ve lost through their belongings.
Holding onto personal objects can help you keep cherished memories alive, and you may gain comfort from the sensory experience of the object. Enjoy the familiar smells, touch, and sounds associated with your memories. It could be wearing their favorite sweater, calling their old phone number once in a while, or carrying a special watch in your pocket.
Draw Comfort From Spirituality and Religion
If you are religious, you may find comfort in the mourning traditions of your religion. Ritual has a profound effect on the human spirit and can greatly aid the healing process. If you are spiritual, praying or meditating can be soothing exercises and can help you find peace under new circumstances. Take the opportunity to talk to clergy and other spiritual leaders in your community. Understand that it is not uncommon to question your spirituality after the shock of a loss. Approach your beliefs at your own pace, until you find a comfortable relationship with them.
Express Yourself Creatively
If you enjoy or thrive on creative expression, you may want to make it part of your grieving process. Focusing on creative projects under the duress of grief may be difficult, but this feeling generally passes as your grief evolves. Take the time to write in a journal, keep a blog, create a memory book, or sew a quilt out of old clothing. Find an outlet in drawing and painting, poetry, or music. Perhaps you’d like to get involved in a cause that was close to the heart of the person you lost. Finding a productive way to work through your grief and create something beautiful from the experience can be immensely therapeutic, and your work may even inspire others who are also grieving.
Spend Time Practicing Favorite Hobbies
If you are ready and willing to engage in activities, try keeping yourself busy doing the things you’ve always enjoyed. Go see a movie, visit your library, take hikes, work in the garden, or participate in a book club. Keep up with your favorite projects or perhaps find something new that interests you.
Engage in Physical Activity
Get outside in the fresh air, appreciate your surroundings, and simply meditate on new life perspectives. Join a gym or yoga class, or try new walking routes and locations. Your area may include a walking labyrinth, which can be a peaceful place to get some calming, meditative exercise.
Seek Out Healing Art and Literature
Watch films, seek out exhibits, or read books and stories that deal with loss. Find narratives that you relate to and gain comfort in.
Talk to a Doctor
You may feel that speaking to a trained professional will help you to cope with the emotional and physical stress of grief. If so, or if you are having great difficulty in performing everyday tasks, consult with your physician about your options. Many find that properly-prescribed drugs can lighten the burden of grief and aid in the healing process.
Join a Healing Retreat
A day spa or retreat can be a vital physical and mental experience to help you mend, rejuvenate, and begin your new life. A day of relaxation and massage at a local spa, or a weekend or week-long retreat, either group or solo, with healing activities and possibly spiritual guidance can lift your spirits. Visit our Local Resources section to find local, national, and global Spas & Healing Retreats.
Healing and true GROWTH are part of my magical powers and I’d love to assist you in your journey of doing the same. Schedule a heart to heart chat with me HER[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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