Are you a Black Mommi, or are you a Mommi that’s Black? No, that’s not a misprint—that’s the actual question.

OK, you’re confused on what I mean. I asked this same question in a couple of Mommi groups that I’m in on social media, and I tallied up the answers.

Here’s how it went down…

An overwhelming majority of Mommis who answered my question said they are a Black Mommi.

Quite a few Mommis wanted to know what in the world I was talking about

I would say 10% or less said they are a Mommi that’s Black

Okay so let’s discuss the difference and what sparked this conversation for me.

The Back Story

It all started with Terry Crews, and his ridiculous inability to see what Gabrielle Union was talking about. #lesigh

When Crews was asked about Union’s claims about the racist and sexist issues at America Got Talent—those issues that resulted in her no longer being apart of the show—the show’s host remarked, “First of all, I can’t speak for sexism because I’m not a woman, but I can speak on behalf of any racism comments…that was never my experience on ‘America’s Got Talent.’ In fact, it was the most diverse place I have ever been in my 20 years of entertainment.”

That was bad enough in itself. But then, lest anyone misunderstand his lack of support for Gabby in this fight, he piled it on when the backlash came; saying on Twitter: “There is only one woman one earth I have to please. Her name is Rebecca…not my mother, my sister, my daughters or co-workers. I will let their husbands/ boyfriends/ partners take care of them. Rebecca gives me WINGS.”

So, let’s take emotional inventory over this whole thing rightchea. Crews admitted that he couldn’t speak on sexism, because he isn’t a woman. Well, I gotta say—I honestly don’t think he should speak on Black people dealing with racism, because it is clear that he doesn’t see himself as a Black man; but rather a man that happens to have dark skin, who just MIGHT be Black. #SMH

Right before I published this blog ‘ole Terry decided to apologize and well it felt like a plea for us not to take his black card more than anything… #whatdoIknow Here’s what he said so you can be the judge of it… “I want you to know it was never my intention to invalidate your experience – but that is what I did,” he tweeted. Here’s the kicker he had this to say about Gabrielle “[she is] a role model to the entire black community” and in his desire to be “professionally neutral,” he should have, at the very least, understood she just needed his support.

Now, you might be wondering to yourself, Self, how is she coming to this conclusion about Terry? Oh, I’ll get to that—but let me break down this difference right quick.

What's The Difference

The difference, of course, is PERSPECTIVE. You see, how we identify ourselves has everything to do with how we show up, with what’s important to us, with where we align ourselves, with what we fight for—and, ultimately, what we teach our children. .

A Mommi who just happens to be Black more than likely doesn’t see or feel close to 98% of the microaggressions that she and her children experience due to their Blackness. To a Mommi that happens to be Black, these racial microaggressions are just innocent; merely harmless comments or benign looks. To the Mommi who is Black only according to her race—rather than according to her ethnicity and culture—all of these things are nothing; mere misunderstandings more than anything else. Poor little Tink Tink will have to find out the hard way that this isn’t the case—and we can only pray that the day will NEVER come that she must receives the rude awakening about who she is in this world, she and her children. This is the reaction, however, to Mommies that just happen to be Black.

A Black Mother, on the other hand, knows that the world sees her differently than the other mothers; and that’s not a lament, but an understanding—and an acceptance of the mantle. She is aware of her sole (and soul) ethnic and cultural responsibility to educate her children in the ways of the world. She is wholly aware of the heritage that she is teaching to her children, and she is all to familiar with just how important (and how often despised) their Blackness is to the world that they live in. She does her due diligence to make sure that her Black children love their Black skin (whether it’s blue-black, high yella light, or all the shades between). She is constantly educating them on the greatness of who they are; of ensuring that they understand the mindset of their culture and heritage; and that they remain fully aware (woke) of how the world sees them—good, bad, or indifferent.

The Truth Is...

So, yeah; when it comes down to parenting our children, we are all doing the best that we can in the time that we have. But let’s keep it a whole buck: if we do not take the time to define for ourselves who we are—culturally, ethnically, in our heritage—what legacy are we really passing on to our children? A color neutral palate makes for a dull painting—but for all of us, the Blackness must extend beyond the color into the culture, beyond the hue into the heritage, beyond the image into the ethnicity.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot about Terry. If you do a little digging and check his record—again, keeping it 100—you can’t really recall to many times that he ever showed up for his people. Mr. Crews does not show up for Black men, women, or children—like, ever. His response to the backlash—“there is only one woman on Earth I have to please—” speaks volumes to his obliviousness to his own ethnicity and culture. In a verbal display of the same lack of unity that continues to plague our people, his statement reveals a profound lack of his own sense of Blackness; Terry he will turn a blind eye to all injustice happening to anyone else except my wife—including his own mother and  daughters. These are the statements of an immature boy—not a strong Black man.

A Look At Some of the Conversations

I thought you might enjoy a look at some of the conversations and answers to my question on social media and among friends.

(All names and images have been blocked ’cause well that’s not important)

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that I did get the Black isn’t a race it’s a color comment, which I missed getting the screenshot before it got deleted, but this person also went on to say African American is our race. If I wasn’t face palming at the first comment, that reply took me out because well that was just plain word semantics and dumb.

Of course feel free to share below your answer to the question and any thing extra you’d like to add.


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