You hear it time and time again, put your spouse first. Leave to cleave, yada yada yada and we do put each other first.
However, we also understand the importance of spending time away from each other with people we love and care about just as much as we love and care about each other… our daughters.
Early on in the girls’ lives, we made a pact that each girl would get their own date night with each parent. They can do whatever they want to do with that parent (within reason) and it’s something that they look forward to each month.
Usually, my oldest is about experiences, be it a concert, an open mic night or something else. My middle daughter loves to go out to a fancy restaurant or something where there is a crowd and my youngest well she just loves to be outside or right up under us.
While I realize that we only have our children for a short period of time under our tutelage, I also understand that I am steadfast in my mission as a mother to prevent mean, insecure, unsure girls with my last name being released into the world.
See, the work starts at home. While each child will grow up and make their own choices, the foundation is set during their childhood. What they see, what they hear, what they experience; even if it leaves their mind temporarily; they will always refer back to it. That’s both positive and negative memories.
My daughters know how a man is supposed to treat them by the way their father treats them. They aren’t looking for male attention in the world because their father tells them every day how beautiful they are, how smart they are, how he will always have their back; no matter what.
They know what a strong woman looks like because we have open and honest conversations, age appropriate of course, about womanhood. I’ve shared with them my struggles of acceptance, my path to perceived success and my issues with having close relationships with women. I want them to be better than me. It’s important to me that they see I am flawed but intentional in my purpose and love for them and all those around me.
My girls come to me with any and EVERY problem and that’s one of the things I love. It’s what my mother did with me, she always made me feel comfortable enough to tell her anything. I do mean ANYTHING. I want them to know its OK to make mistakes because life is all about growth. Learning the lesson and doing better in the future. It all starts with communication and self-evaluation.
It’s important, especially if you have multiple kids, to make sure and spend one on one time with each child separately. They are unique individuals with different experiences and perspectives on life. I know that sounds deep for small children but the conversations I was having with my older daughters when they were 6,7,8 I was SHOCKED by.
Trust me, the kids in school are telling them WAY more than you think and if you aren’t fostering open communication with them in a safe space (away from daddy and other siblings), they will be out here believing all kinds of things; like “can you get pregnant through anal sex?” I won’t even tell you which one of them brought that little nugget home. (Funny story: I called my best friend after that question in pure panic mode. Like hyperventilating. Thank God for soul sisters because she calmed me down and told me not to freak out so my daughter felt comfortable coming to me with questions. Jesus wept.)
I also believe in spending time with them together, outside of the house and away from daddy. Their bond as sisters is just as important to me as their bond with us. God forbid we leave this Earth before they are grown, I want to make sure that their sisterhood is solid!
Remember, you have to release your children to society and we have enough crazy, assholes in the world; don’t let your child be another one. Our goals as parents should be pretty simple… to prevent mean, hateful, dumb adults.
Love & Light,
Unapologetic Mommi of 3