I read this today, and I might receive a lot of backlash for it…
But I’m inclined to agree
Stating a black woman choosing her independence over all else will continuously make her the enemy seems a bit harsh but I know where whoever wrote this was going with it.
In Essence, it gets deeper than this tho. To me what it boils down to is lack of communication and lack of leadership amongst men. I’m not sure who came up with this but I’m curious to know a little about them.
I’d love to ask this man (and I’m assuming it was a man who wrote it) What do you do for work? Would you consider yourself the breadwinner of your household? Are you married? Do you take initiative? Can your wife or girlfriend depend on you?
Those are some important questions
A man who is not a “leader” couldn’t possibly be convinced that a woman should choose “preserving a family unit” with lack of direction over her own independence when she isn’t being led correctly.
Funny thing is a lot of “men” nowadays want to lead and have the “let’s do it my way” attitude meanwhile they don’t even know their left from their right, and dare I say it, but a lot of men are stupid.
Actually no, that was offensive I’m going to rephrase a lot of men lack direction, so I’m most instances it’s pretty much impossible for them to expect a woman to abandon all that she KNOWS and risk it on a CHANCE , but in true men nature (meaning being foolish) a lot of times that makes sense.
Now on the flip side, I’d like to play devil’s advocate, reading that statement I was inclined to agree prior to me really putting thought into it. One of the main reasons my child’s father and I disagreed pretty much for the past 5 years was because of my unwillingness to compromise, I was too headstrong… what I always said needed to go. The same independent quality I’ve praised myself over the years for I’ve begun to hate at the same time. I’ve grown a thick skin, not by choice but because of what I’ve been through, what dating… what life has put me through and ironically enough I became chastised for it. “They harden you and then wonder why you’re not soft”.
A man wrote this statement assuming all women should make a choice because it seems like the right one to make but did the question arise is it really the best choice? Maybe if more black women went with the “I need to do what’s best for my family” rather than “I need to do what’s best for me” thought process … maybe just maybe we’d have more successful marriages and stronger black men who have been given the “provider” role and realized… now’s my chance.
“do or die”
such a sink or swim analogy… one that I’ve always asked myself is it worth the risk? And every time … the answer has been no. I can imagine for most women the answer is no and the saga continues. We are assumed to be so headstrong, so reluctant to give up this independence when really we are just scared.
Often Times failure becomes such a norm for us that we wonder why would this be any different … lack of communication, and to be frank total inconsideration.
show me why I should abandon this “I gotta do what’s best for me and mine” attitude.
I feel as a whole black women have a lot of work to do, it was never embedded in us to be fragile, to be soft. You look at our mothers and their mothers and I bet you’ll hear a story about sacrifice and my favorite “doing what they had to do”.
Coming from that what makes you believe we’d ever see you as Prince Charming?
My daddy wasn’t and neither was my grandfather.
Nowadays we expect so much but work for so little, and it’s too bad.
So men, next time you wonder why she’s so reluctant to give up her “independence” realize she’s all she’s ever had.
Until next time