Long long ago…. just kidding more like a few months ago my marriage had hit rock bottom.
My husband and I have been together for over 15 years and married for 8. We had mastered the art of saying as much as two words to each other in a 24 hour period. The two of us had become professionals at smiling through holiday meals at my mother’s house, and him retreating to the living room couch aka his bed for months.
The sad part of it all was how this developed into the norm in the Daise Household. Our two beautiful children were our everything. Our whole existence revolved around them. At that time, that was enough to keep us going. To my knowledge our children never noticed anything wrong. At the ages of 4 and 8 what do you really pay attention to?
The day I found the article
As I was scrolling through the internet I came across a blog that I read almost daily about an article by Ayesha Curry. The caption read: ‘Ayesha Curry puts her marriage before her kids, good mother or no?’ At anyone’s first glance (without dissecting the article) you would think, what kind of mother would neglect her children for their man? Or why did she have kids only to put her marriage first? At this point I’m giving Curry the side eye. One would like to think that her life was all things cookies and cream. After seeing only the caption I thought twice.
Clicking on it and skimming through the article I came across the part where she does say, “…Just making sure that we put each other first, even before the kids, as tough as that sounds.” I stopped right there, almost cursing her but not seeing what she was actually trying to say. I became a part of the generation that immediately judges before finding out all the details. I was feeling annoyed, but something told me to start from the beginning and keep reading. And I did.
Here’s what I learned
I learned this advice was actually given by her mother and father in law. They had been married for as long as I had been alive! To make a beautifully written article short, the key things she hit on were, when you’re happy your kids are happy. Make time for each other, and finally, date nights first and the rest will follow. I sat down with my husband that night on his bed (yes the couch) and expressed to him my concerns. Our discussion led to the possibility of our children not being happy, due to us not being happy. I suggested we make time for each other. We started with one date in a restaurant where we devoured tons of food, drinks, and laughter.
The result of Ayesha’s advice
We remembered why we were married and linked to be one in the first place. We vowed every Friday night to put each other first. Every single Friday for months I would look forward to dancing out of work, saying goodbye to coworkers I couldn’t stand, singing songs I didn’t like just because I remembered what it was like to be happy. My husband has been back in the bed for a while now. We are both back on cloud 9 wishing for 8 more years and 8 more years and 8 more years of happiness! Thank you Ayesha Curry, you will always be a gem in my book.
MommiContributor Tiffani Green