Picture this, a mom… on her grind, working hard to support her kid(s), making sure they are taken care of while still trying to figure out whatever it is that she is going through herself. A single mom who barely has enough time for her  own needs let alone anyone that she doesn’t have to provide for and here you come on some bullshit.  Now the assumption most men only come in a women’s life to turn it upside down would be ignorant of me, but let’s face it, most do, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned is, it doesn’t matter whether you’re a mother or not it doesn’t make you exempt from the foolishness that can be associated with dating. Call me crazy but I think single moms should be in a different realm, now for anyone reading  with no children … hear me out. Any woman that can categorize themselves as a single mom means they’ve already been faced with a lifetime of shit (I mean responsibility) the ultimate hardship. Now whether it’s a woman who is a single mother by choice, a single mother because she was left, a single mother with an active father… one thing remains the majority of the weight is on her shoulders.     A weight that could never be imagined by someone without children, now for those same readers chastising my suggestion that single mothers should be treated with kid gloves, imagine walking around with one focus in mind and that being your kids, no real want to enter the dating world and here comes someone ready to sweep you off your feet, or so they say and things don’t work… you get your heart broken and you have to still maintain being a parent.

I read something once and it’s stuck with me; it was along the lines of, “There’s nothing harder than a mother trying maintain a smile with a broken heart”. —heavy shit right?

I can attest it is one of the hardest things to do, I can recall being hurt and having the luxury of drinking my life away a few nights in a row, or calling my girls over to plot on how I’m going to get my revenge – I mean heal… they came over to jumpstart my healing process, or when I decided I needed a getaway and just decided to up and go for a weekend …basically what I’m saying is before kids whatever I needed to do to fix me I could do, then times changed, I had my son and I can honestly say since being consumed with him I still haven’t had time to heal from certain things, it’s just kept me busy enough to sweep them under the rug.

Is anyone ever really ready to date? 

Speaking from a woman’s standpoint , anytime I’m single I’m “too busy” to date or at least I lie to myself and say that — it’s a defense mechanism. Often times we are still healing from whoever’s son done messed our heads up before, that we convince ourselves we don’t want to date, or we may not be ready then We meet someone, and  of course when we do it’s the honeymoon stage, things are great , we might gain a little weight… it’s all happy go- lucky but do women ever prepare for the possibility of heartbreak? Do moms consider what healing from heartbreak might be like for them? I always say you can never be hurt by something that was anticipated, disappointed yes — but never hurt. I’m not saying be some guarded woman when you start dating, nah… you might block your blessings that way just be aware. Not all men consider the 5 most important things when it comes to dating a woman with children, but at least you can. Now for the the men who have continued reading, consider this free game.

5 things to consider while dating a single mom:

1. Long Term vs. Short Term

Imagine if more people were open to deeper conversations early on, a lot of women have the assumption that making their intentions clear will scare a man off… I like to say it weeds out the weak. Now this by no means is a right of passage  to go on the first date talking about how you need to be married in two years but it is a staple that more people need to be honest about their intentions and this goes for men and women. Men have a funny way of doing just the opposite of women, not making their intentions clear enough which usually is done for their own gain (yeah I said it). I don’t know when’s the last time anyone went out and said, “hey I’m just really trynna have sex tonight, and if it’s good maybe a few times after that”. Maybe some have but it’s not too often , truth is we need more of that. We need more men to state their intentions early on to prevent the possibility of any confusion especially for a busy mom that most likely had to find a sitter to go out with your ass anyways.

2. Moms are usually busy— that last minute mess ain’t gonna work.

Y’all do know mothers become part time planners when they have babies right? We juggle everything, so those last minute plans that we may not be able to make are a) annoying because we most likely wanted to go and weren’t  able to and b) are inconsiderate.

To date a mother means you should know she doesn’t have the same free time as a single childless woman— be considerate. Planning something a week or two in advance with mention of, “I know being a mom is difficult are you free_insert date_”can go a long way.

3. Ain’t nobody about to be abandoning their kids for you — so no we can’t hang All the time!

Dating as a person with no kids is lit, you get to hang as often as you want …. you’re free to do whatever . Dating someone with children means knowing there will always been someone that gets more attention than you, especially dating a mom… if that’s something  you have a problem with best bet is to find a mom who doesn’t have custody of her kids or date someone without children.

4. You probably won’t be coming over for a while, don’t take it personal

Generally I think moms will always be leery of who they bring around their kids and for good reason … making suggestions      Of when can I come by? Or anything along the lines of coming to her house prior to her actually inviting you is a huge no- no.

have some respect.

5. Most single moms have either kept a lock and key on it or have a few toys in the drawer

If she finally decides to take it there, it’s probably been a while …make it count—- that’s all I gotta say.

That’s all folks

There you have it the unofficial guide to dating a woman with children, know it, learn it, pass it along … hell add a couple hundred more things to it. I’m an avid believer in breaking the cycle and it starts with raising our children with clearer minds and healthier environments— confusion associated with dating/ falling in love has never been good for anyone.

As always,

Thank you for reading

Mommi Ashley