My husband and I always love working with engaged couples through pre marital counseling. It’s always so sweet seeing the couples smile at each other, look into each other’s eyes when they are talking, and listen to them talk about the excitement involved in planning their lives together.

Marriage, just like t.v.?

I often think back to when my husband and I were once that eager couple. During our sessions, we always take the couples through hot topics that happen in a marriage. We really like for the couples  to know what a real marriage looks like. It is NOTHING like what they see on television. We cover everything from finances, to how they squeeze toothpaste out of the tube. Nothing is overlooked. As a newly married couple, everything is exciting. It’s a sleepover every night with your best friend, but what happens when you’re like me and are working on your 15th year of marriage? This is what I like to prepare our couples for.

Marriage in real life

There comes a time in your marriage where your career and advancement that chosen profession is important. Times when your kids will try to jeopardize every unoccupied minute of your day. There will be days as a mom where you won’t feel attractive because you won’t remember the last time you had a shower. You won’t want to get dressed because you need that extra 10 minutes of sleep because you had a baby that kept you up all night. These are all real life scenarios. I have experienced them all, but there is something that I do. Something that I have done in nearly 15 years of marriage without a second thought. I always choose my husband.

Let me explain

When I say, “I always choose my husband,” it’s an easy explanation. Other than my relationship with God, I put nothing or no one over my relationship with my husband. At times it’s hard for couples to see past the first year of marriage, or 2-3 kids in, but I urge them to always keep their spouse at the top of their priority list. Choosing my husband means that I get dressed every day and smile when he comes through the door. It means that we have time set aside just for us, no kids. Sometimes means turning the television on for the kids to get in some adult time. Choosing my husband means that my kids know that having a healthy, loving relationship with their father is important for our family and their upbringing.

What about the kids?

I don’t put my kids’ needs over my husband’s. That might sound a little harsh, but like I often tell my kids, “you’re going to leave one day and start a family of your own and I’ll still be here with Daddy. I want to make sure that I keep our relationship happy.” That doesn’t mean I neglect my kids’ needs in any way. It means that my priorities are God first, their Daddy, and then my relationship with them. If my husband is miserable, it will show in the way we raise our children. Our relationship will determine the way our daughters choose a mate, and it will show in the way our sons lead their families.

Life can be hectic, life will be hectic, you’ll find yourself being pulled in all directions. My advice to you (and the same advice that I give to the couples we counsel), never lose sight of your spouse. It seems that everyone wants a healthy marriage. No one enters into marriage hoping for a divorce, but when you invest in your marriage, you won’t lose sight of each other. A weekend getaway a couple of times a year with your love will always cost less than a divorce lawyer.

It’s important that we make time to be together just the two of us. Thank God for sitters.

Thanks for stopping by,

Mommi Bella