When I filmed my reality show, Glam and Gold, (which still makes me cringe a bit because I didn’t love how it turned out, but I digress) in 2013 one of the scenes that garnered a ton of attention was when I fell to my knees apologizing and crying to my hubby! People were floored. I was confused. Watch the clip below and let’s discuss…
I met the love of my life, Aaron Ross, while we were in college! We fell in love quickly and I knew early on that I wanted to marry him. At the age of 18 the idea of marriage seems so simple. Fall in love, get married! No talk or thought of submission…
I’ve never shared this story publicly, not because I’m ashamed, but because I never really had an outlet, that is until MommiNation.
After dating Ross for a short time we got into this huge fight. I don’t remember the details of course, (I have such an awful memory) and like most squabbles in relationships, it really didn’t matter, but it was all my fault. Like flat out, 100% my fault! He left my apartment upset and wouldn’t return any of my calls. The next morning was the same thing. I knew I was wrong and needed to make it up to him. I went to school dressed somberly in all black (so dramatic) because I felt like I had lost the best thing that ever happened to me and when I saw him in the football player’s computer room with a bunch of his teammates I asked him to come over. He ignored me, until I began to apologize… a shy guy, not wanting all the attention he got up and walked towards the door. As he walked away again upset, I tearfully fell to my knees apologizing and crying out in sheer agony while he begged me to get up. Eventually, he couldn’t help it and he laughed, demanded I get up and hugged me.
Many nights I fall on my knees to pray, I’ve started every race for over 20 years on my knees and in each instance when I get up I feel strong, empowered and confident!
I don’t believe the issue of submission has anything to do with body posturing it’s about how the word submission makes many women feel so the first and most important thing to consider is
Submission is a biblical principle. For that reason, it’s important to submit to a Godly man!
That way he also understands his role as head of the household and how to care for you and lead you in a healthy way.
I’ve always believed this:
So, you have to be ok with structure in your home. When you get married, you become a team, united on a mission to live life as one, possibly start a family, and grow and develop into the best versions of yourselves. It’s not an easy undertaking and to be successful you both need a clear understanding of your roles. It’s the only way to win together.
Now, if this is still scary for you I tend to believe the bigger issue is that you don’t trust the man you’re with, and that has nothing to do with the principles of submission! You shouldn’t marry someone that doesn’t love you with his whole heart, someone who doesn’t want the best for you and your family. Will he get it right all the time? Absolutely not, but knowing that you are in his corner 100% gives him the confidence he needs to be the best leader of your household that he can be.
Being submissive means serving your hubby in a way that benefits you and the entire marital relationship. As an A-personality type and woman with lots of opinions and ideas, it isn’t always easy to assume the posture of submission. I pray about it a lot!
This is what works for me:
When it comes to big decisions for my family, after my hubby and I have discussed, if we’re not in agreement, I go with his instincts. And there have been times when that has been extremely difficult because I feel strongly about my opinions but that’s what I am supposed to do. I’m supposed to support my husband and be his helpmate even when it’s not easy.
Being submissive does not mean that you don’t have an opinion or that you let your husband control every aspect of your life. It’s actually the opposite. When it comes to the daily decisions of the home, I make them. My husband trusts me to make the majority of decisions that need to be made for our family and that’s empowering to me.
I absolutely feel like I get the best out of my husband when I allow him to lead. When I pull back or give him the reigns it gives him this extraordinary confidence. I see it, but most importantly I feel it! When I do what God has called me to do in my marriage, he responds in ways that exceed my expectations.
I’ll never forget a story I learned from one of the female pastors at my Church. She talked about some of the goals she had for her life but she just kept honoring her calling as a wife and mother. She wanted to go to theology school but wasn’t sure how it would ever happen. She just kept praying, kept honoring her husband and being the best wife she knew how to be. Within a few months, her husband had an event and invited her to attend. She wasn’t sure she wanted to go but in her practice of being submissive and putting her husband first, she attended. At her table was the head of administration at the Baylor Theology School. Needless to say, she was enrolled in the fall!
Sometimes our blessings are wrapped up in our willingness to be obedient in our calling as submissive wives! If you aren’t there yet pray about it, talk to your spouse about how it makes you feel and how he can support you as you work towards doing better in this area.
We’re doing a series on submission because we believe it’s important to share our stories to help other mommies that may be struggling. Our first blog I Don’t Listen and I Talk Back by Mommi Tierra was so good and I’m sure you’d love it too. Check it out and tell your friends about MommiNation and our mission to support black mommies in every way! Can’t wait to hear from you.
Until next time,