They say no two situations are the same … whoever “they” are is right!
Pregnant with my second child and its a whole new experience.
First of all the daddies are different … but shhh that’s a story for another day. Or maybe not. I was married to my high school sweetheart when I conceived my first born. He up and left when our son was only one month old, leaving me scared and confused but by God’s grace we survived. I can’t say that I always knew we would, I cried day and night, but I prayed a whole lot too. Suicidal thoughts plagued my mind on a regular, but prayer was always close to my heart. Support was rare, some family members faulted me while God sent strangers to help me stay grounded.
We were going to be just fine
I remember I took my son, 6 months old at the time, to the ER and I was bawling my eyes out. Scared and alone. In my mind I was asking why — see, I had this whole life planned out and then poof – it was gone – I’m alone with a newborn.
A lady saw me weeping and without coming too close she touched me — all of me— deep. She told me that whatever I’m going through is temporary -that God knows what I don’t know and that he saw the need for my son in my life. That my son will be my biggest supporter, he will love me like no one ever have and that we were going to be just fine.
Boy was she right .. my sweet son -now 8- is never too far, he reads me like no other, he’s so full of love and jumps at any chance to help and even protect me. He truly is God-sent…
Now I gotta get back to the tale of these pregnancies
If it wasn’t planned – is it a mistake??
My first born was planned, in fact I was actually having difficulties getting pregnant. Uterine fibroids and cyst thought they were ultimate warriors of my uterus, but they might have forgotten the God I serve. I was even told by an ER intern that I wouldn’t be able to conceive. I don’t know who told him he was God. After 6 months of trying, we conceived.
This time around wasn’t planned though … but a mistake?? She is NOT.
I still battle uterine fibroids, and, in the summer of 2020, I was taken off my birth control after a few more tumors had
grown. We went from 1 to 7. The two biggest ones went through degeneration shortly after and listen… the pain was unbearable and lasted weeks on end.
My period became irregular (off birth control) and my partner and I simply became masters at the ‘pull out’ game — or so we thought. July of 2021 proved that we had lost this game – and I found out almost two months later that a
mini me was growing in my uterus— determined to show these fibroids who’s boss. Wait read that last two lines again… that rhymed didn’t it… bars — dab on that I can’t say that I was instantly smitten with the idea of being pregnant… this wasn’t planned, and ready-I was not – but soon remembered that Gods timing is always perfect. He makes no mistakes.
Genes – what pregnancy revealed.
I found out with my first that I carry a sickle cell trait.. nope never knew prior. Hubby at the time carried a beta-thalassemia trait— if baby boy took both traits he would have sickle-beta thalassemia, a milder form of sickle cell anemia. This praying mom just dropped to her knees and believed. Thankfully my son only took the sickle cell trait from me.
Current baby daddy was tested, and we are beyond grateful he has neither trait, so baby girl is good on that end. She may or may not take the trait I carry but there was another possibility.
My rh blood group also carry anti-E antibody (often referred to as Big E). Without going in depth, this condition can cause fetal death (body rejects/attacks baby). It can also be fatal for infants that’s if the baby has the E- antigen often given by the child’s other parent.
It was just my luck that with my first, he did have the E-antigen from his father (remember I have the E- antibody) so we had to have an ultrasound every week from second trimester to check for any signs that my body might be rejecting the baby. Again, I prayed hard and every week we were told so far so good, up until he was born, healthy and strong. He’s 8 now so my God came through with the clutch.
Thankfully with this baby we have bypassed the weekly ultrasounds as baby daddy #2 doesn’t have a E antigen marker. Talk about hooray. I swear I remember thinking damn baby daddy #1 and I were simply not compatible huh… I crack myself up — but then I remember this beautiful baby boy that we created… btw do you think God has a sense of humor?
ME —my feelings, wellbeing
Pregnancy # 1 wasn’t too bad when you put all the inherited what ifs aside; sure, was stressful and ended with an emergency c-section but things turned out pretty good when you consider all that could go wrong.
Fitness wasn’t part of my lifestyle at the time but I did get some walking in for the most part. That was it though.
Emotionally I believe I was ok—- just ok. I mean I was happy to be with child..(always wanted kids and then there was this 6 months of trying) but I was on edge — an edge I felt I would fall off from with the slightest push.
Pregnancy #2 well… so far so great. The stresses of the first have been ruled out, and honestly even before they were ruled out, I was surprisingly calm.
Fitness has been my way of life for four plus years, so this go is quite different. I work out at least two
days a week, and that includes strength training/weightlifting, yoga, walking… man I’m still jumping rope.
Emotionally I haven’t been better. I have been in a better space mentally for a couple years now, partly due to fitness. I’m a much calmer individual, I sleep better — overall I am simply happier.
I feel like I’ve found myself
I feel like I’ve found myself within the last 3 years and yesss while fitness played a huge role on this scavenger hunt-to find myself -the man in my life — yup him— baby daddy #2 may have an even bigger role. He’s so grounded.. so genuine, a man of integrity and humility.
Believe me when I tell you – I didn’t realize how much little support I have had my entire life until he came along.
I’ve grown so much, learned so much, changed so much because of his presence in my life; and while I do not know what the future holds — I believe my happiest days are ahead with my family of 4 — yup they are… especially if my daily affirmations have any say in the matter