Have you ever sat back and wondered, “What the hell happened to my sex life?”— well just know you are not alone.

Often times life gets in the way of well… life.  We blame work, age, fatigue, kids etc… for taking away from time with our partners. — and I don’t know about y’all but in my opinion, there should be no excuses. Redbook Magazine, confirms tired is no excuse, here are some ways to keep life exciting. Think back on when you started dating your partner, all the crazy and adventurous things you two did, sex in crazy places, the sexting, the nudes, the excitement —- the general desire to continuously keep things fresh. What happened? It’s funny because I was having this conversation with my man recently, I’ve tried to start cultivating an environment where it’s okay for him to tell me where I am lacking; I’ve come to realize communication is so damn important. He told me, “you’re not the same woman I met”. In my defensive nature, of course, I took offense, I thought to myself , “no I’m not the same woman… if you ask me I’m better”. *cues shoulder shrug*

He told me I’m boring.

He was right, suddenly putting on lingerie was only convenient when I wasn’t complaining about feeling bloated (which is never), or my ever so faithful Brazilian wax became something I do when we go on vacations or something special is coming up. I stopped doing the things that once excited him to be with me— he was right. I’ve found as women we create excuses for why we become the partners we become and it’s not fair, something I’m still learning myself. Of course, no relationship is perfect, we all experience ups and downs but does that give us a reason to stop being the partner we once were during the honeymoon stages?  The same effort we put into getting them is the same effort we need to maintain to keep them, and if you disagree then I pose the question, “what’s the point”?  After losing my sex life and making it a point to regain it here are 5 important things I’ve learned along the way.

#1. Communicate

It is important to discuss what’s changed over time between you and your partner, and an even more important conversation to have, is how can it be fixed? If time is the issue, then discuss it… talk about how the two of you can work together in an effort to make more time for one another. Unfortunately, God didn’t create us to be mind readers, so you have to ask what’s going on with your partner so you know what to do to fix it. A Redbook Magazine contributor stated, “Sometimes when things have been too hectic and we haven’t been making time for sex, I’ll offer a massage with candles and oils. It relaxes both of us, and the intimate and gentle touching leads to kissing and then sex. It sets the mood for a slowed down, sensual night when we might otherwise be ‘too tired.'”

Learn your partner’s love language.

#2. Take The Back Door

I don’t know who needed to hear this but the exit can also be an entrance. It humors me that anytime there is mention of anal penetration people shy away! Trying something new with your partner can be a gateway to happiness for the both of you A guide to finding your man’s G-Spot 

Now y’all know your partners better than me, so if trying new things isn’t up there alley perhaps you should leave this one out. For those who consider trying knew things—-I’ll say this, don’t forget the lube..

#3. Look Forward to it

Unfortunately the older we get, the busier we become, sex begins to be seen as just another thing to do. We begin to look at something that was once exciting and scandalous as now something to cross off the to-do list a few times a week to keep your partner from complaining— change that. Send a mid-day nude… the question of, “what’s gotten into you”? Will be sure to have your partner excited to get home to see what else is in store. Imagine them being in a meeting then opening their messages and seeing something sexy rather than the typical, ‘what’s for dinner’? —what a pleasant surprise- let’s just hope they don’t get caught. Remember if you talk the talk, walk the walk be sure to deliver on your word showing your partner it was well worth the wait.

#4 Go the Extra Mile

If date nights aren’t scheduled regularly, change that; men like a little romance just as much as women. If you have a sitter for the night, hell even if you don’t, decide to switch it up for the night. Cook dinner and decorate the Bedroom with a few candles and rose petals. A romantic bath with a little slow music can also be a nice touch… it’s one thing to still date while being in a relationship, but are you two still being romantic? Planning a date night and going the extra mile even if it’s a surprise gift after dinner, or a walk by the beach, there are so many ways to remind your spouse they are special and their happiness matters— not only is that going to get you major points but I’m pretty sure it’ll have you getting lucky when the special night is over.

#5. Go Shopping Together

And I’m not talking about groceries. Visit your local novelty store, not only will the trip open your eyes to what’s out there, but it will also broaden your horizons to trying new things. Make it a thing. Maybe once a month or every other month bring your partner to the store, and have them pick out something to try and then make it your turn on the next visit. It’ll give you guys not only something to look forward to as a unit sexually, but  it will also give you an idea of what your partner is into— y’all heard of ‘Megan the Stallion’ right? Unleash your inner freak.  I always thought toys were for the “freak freaks” then I realied toy stores have so much to offer, edible panties, games, movies etc… the list goes on, and there’s something for everyone.

for all who have read this, I hope it  leads you on the path to a spicer, and more exciting life in the bedroom, and feel free to give some more suggestions for others with tips on how you and your partner keep things hot !

Thank you for reading,

Mommi Ashley