Since I have become a mother, I have never felt so inadequate, so consistently unprepared and small. Daily, there are constant reminders of things in which I have no idea how to handle.
Scene: On actual Earth at Skylar’s daycare
Mrs. Adel at Daycare: Talia…does Skylar like raisins?
Me: I don’t know, she has never had one.
Mrs. Adel at Daycare: Can I give her one?
Scene: In my head…….
Talia: No absolutely not, she can’t eat that she has never had one before
Talia 2: I mean I feel like she is old enough to eat a raisin
Talia: No!!! Homegirl could choke… I don’t know CPR…the people at daycare are going to call child protective services…her daddy is going to leave me…..that one dude I used to talk to in college is going to clown me because my baby got taken away because of a raisin
Talia 2:……….yeah Talia, you are probably right. No raisin for you Skylar.
Scene: Back on Earth
Mrs. Adel at Daycare: ****Pushes the raisin in Skylar’s mouth*** “Chile…she will be fine”
Scene: In my head
Talia: I guess she tooooollld US!!!
Above all, it seems like every single decision that is made on her behalf has that much thought put into it. Let’s even back that concept up a little bit. The sheer fact that 5 years ago I was getting bottle service in the best clubs!
We hit Vegas, New York, Monaco, Morocco, Rome and everywhere in between…. in THE BEST WAYS, now I am making raisin-level decision for three children.
Should I put her in daycare or get an in home nanny? In daycare there are a lot of kids for her to play with…. but also a lot of kids to get germs from. With a nanny she will get one on one attention…with a nanny she will miss out on socialization.
How should she be disciplined? Seems like If I spank her am I teaching her to hit other people? Likewise, If I put her in a timeout won’t that get old quickly? If I let her “explore the world and be free”…won’t I end up being the mom in the PeopleOfWalmart videos because my child is out of control?
Should she drink cow’s milk or almond milk? Should she have a schedule for bedtime or go with the flow? Should we make her hug people? Should we let her watch television?
Every morning, hundreds of questions flow through my head along with each of the possible outcomes, good and bad. It is exhausting!
…And then I wake up.
…And I get her ready.
…And I make ANY decision.
…And we KEEP IT MOVING!
Therefore, I realized the feeling of being wrong all the time is never going to go away. Once I think I have an understanding of one issue, preschool will start. Once I understand the next set of issues, the preteen years will begin. It will never end.
On the other hand, what I do know is that time is not waiting for me to make the perfect decision and neither is my baby. Therefore, either I make the decision or the decision will be made FOR me and consequently for my child.
More importantly, in this society I cannot afford to let THIS America decide anything on our behalf, history has not shown us favor in that regard.
Therefore, if I make the wrong decision, we will figure it out. If we go down the wrong path, I have more than enough faith in God that even though the path may not be the one I wanted, it is the one he has set forth. Therefore, I’m going to put on my walking shoes and ease on down the road.
P.S. She loved the raisin!
Thanks for reading my thoughts and sharing this crazy life journey with me. Feel free to follow me on Instagram at for more.