Life brings on many journeys as it goes on. Some are fun, some are easier than others, and some are long…really long. For me, my weight/fitness journey is by far the hardest and longest journey I have experienced in my lifetime. This journey started when I was 12 years old. At the age of 12, I was more developed than other girls my age were, which led to my self-hate & body shame. My bust was a DDD and I was extremely uncomfortable in my body. I compared my body to girls around me and didn’t understand why mine was so big, so disproportioned, and so ugly. This was the start of my self-esteem issues and a wild emotional rollercoaster ride.
As the years went by, my self-esteem kept getting worse. I used to say (almost proudly) that “my self-esteem was lower than the pits of hell”. I hated myself and my body so much, and I treated it that way for years. My saving grace was dance. Being a dancer kept me “fit-ish” during my high school days, and dancing and living on a college students’ budget during college kept me “skinny” during my college days. I technically reached my weight loss goal (155lbs) my junior year of college (‘cause I rarely ate), but I still hated my body and SAW myself as fat.
It all came to a head once I got married and pregnant. I went from 175lb to 250lb by the time I was ready to deliver my first daughter (within a year and a half). So began my intentional weight loss journey. After giving birth and breastfeeding, my weight went down to 225 but bounced up and down for years after. My weight continued to peak at 250 with my following two pregnancies. I experimented with everything from shakes, to weight loss programs, to different diets, to fads, and so much more. I “failed” in everything. For the last 10+ years, I have barely been able to get below 200lbs.
It wasn’t until fall 2020 that I FINALLY stopped trying to lose weight my way and everyone else’s way, and I completely SURRENDERED my journey, weight, and all my struggles to God. As soon as I did, He began guiding me towards the right programs, foods, and resources that would work best for me and my body. He began to show me ME and rebuild my confidence. The more I started falling in love with myself, the more I desired to take care of myself mind, body, and spirit. Health, discipline, and consistency have become my top goals and main focus.
I still have quite a journey ahead, but I now have a greater hope and expectation knowing I will achieve the goals I’ve set for myself. My goals have changed from looking a certain way to simply being healthy and fit. I can honestly say that I now enjoy my ups and fully embrace my downs and allow every aspect of this journey to push me to be my best self. I genuinely LOVE myself now.
I have learned the importance of self-love, self-care, and true surrender. With three daughters watching and learning from me, it is even more important for me to embrace life and teach them how to do so as well. I strive to teach them to embrace their beauty, their bodies, have a healthy mentality, and trust God in all things. I want their self-love and pursuit of great health to start now so that being healthy in every area becomes second nature to them
And so my journey continues with God leading me, my husband partnering with me, and our daughters learning from us.