I’m three years in and here is what I’ve learned and my OFFICIAL MOMMI REVIEW!
Mommihood is not for the faint of heart
Man oh man, I don’t know if my expectations for Mommihood were simplified by my mother or seeing my sister and cousin tackle it with such ease that made me think it would be just a simple next step in my adult journey but boy was I wrong.
Mommihood is not for the faint of heart LOL.
I always said I would wait until after my track career was over to become a mother because conceptually I understood that being an athlete is one of the most selfish roles you can ever have while being a mother is one of the most selfless roles you can ever have, but it’s not ONE OF, it is by far the most selfless job you could ever have.
There are so many things about motherhood that I wasn’t prepared for; the uncertainty of your decision making, the helplessness you feel when they’re ill, the constant mental toll of balancing the mother you thought you would be versus the mother your kid needs all while acknowledging that you’re just doing the best you can every step of the way.
There truly is no one size fits all or no best practices that work, because, until you are put in a situation with your own child it’s very difficult for someone else or some book to tell you what’s right. So you constantly have to grant yourself grace and take it one day at a time.
They are born with their own personalities
I always thought the personality of children was shaped by their parents, their experiences or by their environment but those are truly the smallest contributors.
These little humans come into the world with their own personalities PERIOD.
Yes, we can help to guide and shape them by investing in the best parts of their personality while attempting to set up boundaries and guardrails to avoid bad behavior but ultimately our children are who they are at birth.
This is an important realization when you become a parent because you put a lot of pressure on yourself to create a child who is a better or best version of yourself when that simply is impossible. The evidence of this is all around us. Siblings born to the same parents, raised in the same household, many times are completely different people and why is that?
Well, they were born that way and their parents do the best that they can in most instances to highlight their strong personality traits and point out their weaknesses in hopes that they become the best version of themselves and not ourselves.
So, always remain prayerful about your children knowing that there are limitations to what you can do and give your best every day to not just preach and speak about the ways they can be better but truly be an example for them.
You are exactly what YOUR kid needs
God makes no mistakes.
God chose you to be the mother of your child for a reason and although there are many days where you may feel inadequate, or like you are in over your head you are doing exactly what God has positioned you to do. You’ve both been placed in each others lives to help fulfill the mission and purpose that God has in store.
So, don’t compare yourself to others and feel as though you don’t measure up. Of course, this is not meant to take you off the hook either, always be honest with yourself and improve in the areas of parenting that you can, but know the things that come naturally to you, the things that feel good to you are good enough for your kids.
It’s the same magic and miracle of childbirth. So much of it we really can’t explain. Like how children who are born to malnourished or drug addicted mothers can still come out 100% healthy or how kids even passed through the birth canal. Children are resilient and in the same way that God shows up and fills the gaps in childbirth, He will support you and fill the gaps for your children. Lean into that…
Trust your instincts
Mothering is all about trusting your instincts.
But how do you do that?
I find that the only way to hear your own small, quiet voice is to be still. You have to meditate and remain prayerful. Sometimes we seek out so much advice from others when the answers are within. You know your child. God willing you are with them everyday.
You know their needs.
Will your child thrive in a private school?
Does your child need to learn a trade because the conventional school system isn’t working for them?
Do you need to move to a more diverse community to provide your children with more examples of excellence?
These are the kinds of questions that only you can answer.
Trust your instinct, do your best and know that if only your efforts and intentions will pay off!
They’re smarter than you think
Mentally and emotionally they are a lot smarter than you think.
My son blows my mind everyday! He knows, hears and sees everything. Forget the fact that he has already figured out that I am the push over parent and will try just about anything with me and NOTHING with his father, it goes so much deeper than that.
They are deeply aware of what’s happening and this is a beautiful thing.
Setting the examples of what love looks like in a household is imperative, teaching them the differences between wants and needs, showing them your weaknesses and shortcomings and how you work to improve them starts early.
Giving them room to express themselves without your jaded perception of masculinity or femininity is crucial too! Let them cry, let them paint, let them explore. Allow them to do the things that you were fearful of without burdening them with your fears.
My community and support system is everything
Don’t feel that you have to go it alone. Lean into your community! This is why I created MommiNation. In hopes of making every mommi feel like they had a tribe supporting them and rooting them on every step of the way. So, whether through our 500 plus blogs written by over 50 different mommies or our challenges, or our dope merchandise that speaks to the joys of mommihood we hope that you find a community in us!
I’m also so blessed to have the most beautiful family that I can always lean on. My hubby, my mom, sister, dad, and cousins are always a safe place for me to land. If I need them physically to be there to watch my son or emotionally as I vent about it all. Don’t minimize how important it is to have people you can trust on your journey, if only to be a listening ear. You need the outlet. It will make you a better woman and mommi!
Don’t lose sight of yourself and your goals
This is a tough one and Mommi-guilt is real!!!
It’s natural when you do things for yourself that you feel a little guilty. If that means taking the day to go to the spa and leaving baby with daddy or a loved one, or going back to work full time, or grabbing drinks with a friend. Things you didn’t think about before, leave you feeling so guilty and it’s draining, but you can’t lose sight of yourself as a woman, a creative, a leader, a teacher, an entrepreneur… (and the list goes on).
You have to feed her too!
You have to be happy with yourself and the life you’re creating for yourself to be the best mommi that you can be. You’ve heard it before but you can’t pour from an empty cup and even more importantly for me, your kids are watching and setting that example is imperative!
Allow yourself to enjoy the experience.
There will be many trying and difficult moments on your mommihood journey but don’t allow it to steal your joy. I remember my breastfeeding journey, it became overwhelming after TWO WHOLE YEARS of nursing on demand and it was starting to literally suck the fun, no pun intended, out of my experience. But, just like our grandmothers would say, this too shall pass and when it’s done… its done! You never get those moments back, so endure, push through and know that it is a phase.
Don’t take yourself too seriously and know that you will make mistakes but the most important thing is that your baby feels loved, is safe and happy. Some of the things that you thought were important before you gave birth won’t be possible, but it’s ok! Make space for fun, laughter and joy on your motherhood journey and trust that everything else will fall in place.
SO AFTER READING ALL THIS! WHERE DO YOU THINK I RATE MOMMIHOOD?!?
MY MOMMI REVIEW
It depends on the day, but on average its:
21/2 STARS at BEST… lol
But my baby is always 5 STARS!!!!
Please comment below about what you’ve learnt and how you rate Mommihood, and grab your tee!
Can’t wait to hear!
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