I’m a mother of 3!
Why am I still trying to figure this mess out?
I had my first child, my baby girl Shawnti when I was 19, and still in college. Although I wanted to be a mom and couldn’t wait for her arrival it literally felt like I woke up one day and a baby was placed in my arms. I wasn’t prepared, to say the least. My husband, then boyfriend, and I were all alone with a baby to care for. My closest family was 8 hours away.
While I assumed having family far away would give us the opportunity to raise our child the way we wanted, without constant shadowing and criticism, in actuality it meant that we wouldn’t have anyone to help and guide us along the way.
As a girl growing up, I was mommi to many baby dolls who felt like my children for the one or two hours I had to care for them. I watched as my older cousins had children and started their journeys as moms and dads, but even that was from a distance. As I got older, I enjoyed babysitting kids for a few hours while their parents went out on a date. I say all that to say all my encounters with children were only for a few hours and I was able to give the child back to their parents, collect my pay and continue with my own responsibilities.
In some ways, I romanticized motherhood. I would often find any excuse to go to the store to walk around the baby section and daydream of what my life would be like with a baby. I never prepared myself for what motherhood would truly be like. Regardless of the Lamaze, and breastfeeding classes I took and the talks with my mother and Nana, you never fully understand the responsibility until you become a mommi for yourself.
My husband’s job required him to travel so much that at times I felt like a single mother. When I met my husband, Bershawn Jackson, he was an aspiring Olympian. By the time we had Shawnti he was living his dream, running track all around the world, providing for our family. While I understood the responsibilities of his job, it didn’t make mine any easier.
Don’t get me wrong, my husband was no absentee father, but dynamics are different when you have a parent who works locally vs one who travels for work.
So I dove in, my focus was on being the best mother I could be and ensuring I gave my all to Shawnti. In my eyes, I was doing just fine. I raised our oldest the best way I knew how. I was the head of household making the day-to-day decisions and by the time I felt like I was finally getting the hang of parenting (4 years later), BOOM – here comes baby number two! No big deal. I thought, I already have one, I did this once and I can do it again.
Everything I learned with the 1st child I thought I could use for the 2nd child, and I could not have been more WRONG! It was like becoming a mother for the FIRST time all over again. Two girls and they were like night and day.
Shawnti and Shari were both great babies, the difference is when I had Shawnti I had nothing to compare her to. I was literally a stay at home mom and in many ways a single
Now, I’m thirteen years in with three kids, why do I feel like I’m still trying to figure things out? Well, the minute you feel like you have one phase figured out they enter another. I’m now raising a pre-teen who is excelling in sports but has tons of girl issues, like how can you keep up? All three of my kids are in different sports and activities. Managing a full-time job while being a wife feels like the hats keep piling on.
I hope you’ve enjoyed all the awesome blogs on MommiNation, and I hope you’ll tune in everyday to see what topics our mommies are tackling.
Until next time be sure to follow my family on IG