For most of us we become a mother the day we find out we are pregnant. Our thinking changes. Our routines change. We are mentally prioritizing this little being that we love so much but hadn’t met yet. Officially though, I became a mom on February 4th 2018. I remember it well. My bags had been packed and at the door. I’d bounced on the yoga ball for two nights prior and experienced some pretty intense contractions over night. Tyrell and I woke up that morning and went for a walk. I was in that phase of pregnancy when you’re just over it! You don’t want to spend another day pregnant! I wanted to do whatever it took to get him here. We walked for about twenty minutes. When we got home I started feeling contractions almost immediately. I can’t lie labor is one of those things that you can’t wait to happen, you want to be un-pregnant so bad. But at its onset it’s a be careful what you wish for moment!
I started to get undressed and my water broke. I calmly let Tyrell know then went to take a shower. He of course was slightly panicked as he started getting things together. We left the house when my contractions were about 7 minutes apart. I’ve always wanted to give birth vaginally and without meds. My mom birthed my sister and I naturally and I knew if she could do it, I could! As we drove there and the contractions came I remember telling myself this is not pain if you can’t handle this you don’t have a shot. We got to the hospital at 10:40am. The nurses didn’t believe I was in real labor because I wasn’t “in enough pain”. When they checked my cervix I was 6 cm and they confirmed my water had broken.
They got me a gown and put the monitor on, baby’s heart beat was strong and labor was in full swing by this time. I couldn’t get comfortable (go figure, lol) I would sit up, then sit back. Then get up. But I was most comfortable just sitting on the toilet. The nurses advise against this, but it’s what felt best. As the contractions got closer and the pain increased i felt like I had to push. Sanya was standing over me as I sat on the toilet and I looked up at her and said “tell them get the doctor, it’s time” When my doctor came in and checked me I was 9 and a half centimeters dilated she said I could push.
As painful as labor is the only thing that gives relief is pushing. The body knows exactly what it needs to do during labor if you can control your mind. The toughest part is getting in your head about how much pain your’e in and knowing there could be relief if you just say the word. But as corny as it sounds you can breathe your pain. The enemy to natural labor is a lengthy labor.
I have the most amazing OB, she’s very mid-wife-esque. She’s all about a natural birth as long as that’s what I wanted. She told me ahead of time if I changed my mind she would remind mewhat I told her I wanted but if I insisted she would give me meds. I never changed my mind. I remember he voice was very soothing she kept reminding me I was the one who could get my son here, so we could meet him. Her words made me feel strong. Sanya was the best assistant coach she went between holding my leg when I was pushing while sternly screaming encouraging words like “you can do this”, “PUSH SHEZ”! To gently caressing my leg while I was in between contractions. Tyrell is the strong silent type, he held my other leg and kissed my forehead softly every now and then to let me know he was proud of me. And my mom stayed out of the way as much as possible but walked over to me every so often say a word or two then sit back down. My nurses were so encouraging they held my hands and made me feel confident.
After about 30 minutes of pushing it was time, TIME. I could see the medical crew setting up and putting their gloves on, pulling the table forward and getting the tools together. This made me panic, coupled with the pain I became overwhelmed. As my contractions approached I pushed and felt an incomparable pain. I screamed “NO, I DON’T WANT TO DO IT ANYMORE, MAKE HIM GO BACK” Tyrell gave me the most exasperated look (LOL). Even then I didn’t care. I was almost standing at that point my butt was completely off the bed and I was gripping the rails for dear life. My doctor told me I was experiencing the ring of fire – most perfectly termed! With one more push, again off the bed, I was screaming at the top of my lungs. I could hear Queen Ifrica’s lyrics to “Lioness on the Rise” in the background, letting me know I was made for this. My doctor was begging me to put my butt back on the bed, I was just doing what I needed to get Slade here. He came!
One of the reasons we continue to populate the earth is because there’s a euphoria you experience when you hold your baby that trumps the pain and trauma you may have experienced during pregnancy and child birth. When I held Slade, everything was worth it. I was undoubtedly in pain but it was numbed. He was such an aware baby and he opened his eyes very quickly. I remember looking in his little eyes in disbelief. Disbelief that my husband and my love could create this little human, disbelief that he was finally here and disbelief that I had just gotten him here! Still one of the very best moments in my life! I held strong for a little as we did skin to skin and delayed cord clamping. But after they weighed him, swaddled him and gave him back I burst into tears. After Losing Shian, I had been through so much to have my son and I couldn’t hold back. I knew I wanted to be the best mom I could be to him. Still at it.
What was your experience the day you became a mom?
I’d love to hear in the comments!