I was pregnant with my first child at twenty-three years old and two years into my first marriage. It was also nearing the time to start my masters degree program. With no experience of taking care of a baby, changing diapers, or being alone with a baby, I had to prepare myself. Filling up with knowledge from the most popular baby books What to expect when you’re expecting and What to expect the first year were my go to. Unknowingly, the day I became a mom changed me.
Although my family and friends say that I have memory issues, contrarily the day I became a mom is unforgettable. Holding this sweet little baby for the first time after over sanitizing my hands changed me completely. On one hand, feelings of disbelief after giving birth naturally, took me over. While on the other hand, I felt excitement for my new journey into motherhood.
I vowed to love and protect this little baby with all my heart. The moment she opened her tiny little eyelids and raised her head to see my face, my heart melted. That was it. My heart was stolen by this innocent little soul that made me a mother.
It is amazing how a tiny little being can change your life. The birth of my little baby girl changed my priorities just like that. As a result I was no longer interested in my needs but found new interest in putting my baby needs ahead of mine. My joy of shopping was now for instead of me. The excitement and satisfaction from seeing her in little outfits I bought was everything.
Planning vacations were no longer about doing the next thrilling thing but switched to what was comfortable and safe for my little baby girl. There’s no way I was taking my baby rafting on the Rio Grande in Jamaica. Everything changed. Even my goals and aspirations were now taken over by my new found love. Providing a good life for my baby became my new focus in life.
I always loved and appreciated my mother but I didn’t understand her love until the birth of my own daughter. I clearly understood the level of sacrifice, care and love that my mother has for me. My mother does not express her love through words very well. She expresses herself better through actions. I know that I am her world by how she raised me.
Many overwhelming thoughts took over my mind. How will I be a good mother? How will I raise a child without the help of my mother? Thankfully she was virtually available every step of the way, giving guidance and being her usual overprotective self.
It is almost ten years since the day I became a mom. My memory of who I was before is blurred. However, I discovered a new version of myself after the birth of my first child. Presently, I am a mother of two loving girls and made more discoveries along the way. I love who I am, the woman that I am becoming, and the mother God created me to be:
I am… A MOTHER
I am The Fragrance of Christ – 2 Corinthians 2:15
My previous blog: Another Baby After Eight Years What Was I Thinking