They said I was a failure. They said I would never become more than just average. I knew I had greatness in me, but I couldn’t move past what they said. I allowed what they said to consume me and determine who I was and what I thought I could be. Until one day I found the strength and the courage to be who I was born to be.
When I was pregnant with you, some applauded me because I escaped one statistic of being a teen mom, but others looked down on me because I hadn’t escaped the generational curse of being a single mom. So many just wanted me to stay with your father because then I wouldn’t be a single mom, but at the time I couldn’t explain why, but later I learned that the greatness that was growing inside of me demanded that I be greater than the woman I could achieve if I had stayed. Your father had a purpose in my life, he taught me many things. Most of the things he taught me, I didn’t learn until I had completely released him and the situation as well as the ‘what ifs’ that plagued my mind. But nonetheless his greatest purpose in my life was to give me the seeds that created you.
I was blessed to carry you. I was blessed to have an amazing man hold my hand and help me through the process. I was blessed to have a family that supported me the best way they could during the process, especially when it was time to give birth to you. But, my greatest blessing, lesson and moment was when I myself became great enough, strong enough to give birth to YOU. I have joked for several years that my womb is so great that you and your brothers don’t want to come out, which is why you each stayed over 40 weeks inside of me; but the truth is I wasn’t ready to give birth to the greatness that each one of you hold so I needed more time to get it all together for your arrival.
As I’ve watched you over the years I’ve learned so much about myself, so many changes that I must make but most importantly I’ve seen your greatness exemplified over and over again. The way you learned to walk, talk and be you before you were one. The way you love with no limits, the way you absorb knowledge and readily apply it. And of course your greatest gift to date is the way you speak your mind, and fight for yourself. Of course, I wish I wasn’t the one you chose to fight most days, but I know you fight me for a greater purpose than to beat me. You fight me because you must learn
all my greatness, you must prepare yourself for the battles this world will give you and because you are demanding I become greater. In time, you will stop battling me and instead learn how to pull from my greatness in a different way, but at some point you will have a daughter of your own and the cycle will repeat, but you will remember our cycle and know to NEVER give up, don’t stop loving her through it and most of all recognize the greatness that is in her, that is fighting to be refined, protected, loved and celebrated.
The greatest lesson I can ever teach you is to love yourself in spite of. I know that your relationship with your father isn’t what you want or think you need it to be; but I am here to tell you it is exactly what it needs to be. There is great purpose in this piece of your story as with the rest and in time you will uncover the purpose of any and all pain and joys that you experience and my only hope is that I will have taught you how to recognize that purpose and allow it to propel you forward onto a journey you never knew could exist.
You’ve had a ringside seat of me on my journey to discovering, uncovering and becoming who I was purposed to be. You have had a bird’s eye view of what to do and not to do for your own journey, but most importantly, I hope you have learned that the journey is not just for the one who’s living it but most importantly for those who are experiencing it. So please know that my journey is for the benefit of you and your brothers mainly. Yes, I’ve made a zillion mistakes on my journey and I can never fix them all, nor do I know if I want to; but none of them matter because in the end, I found victory and glory and that is the only thing I need you to remember and hold on to.
My dearest daughter if I am ever in a place where you can’t reach me and need me just remember that I am inside of you. You carry every piece of my spirit within you, and all you ever need to do is shine the light that was put inside of you while you were in my womb and you will make it through any and everything.
I love you baby girl more than words could ever express. You are my heartbeat on the outside of my body and all I see is greatness within you and all I want for you is a true life success.
Loving you always,
“People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die.” ~Plato