Yup, I am 29 years old and I have never been in a relationship. Now, I guess you can say I had two “boyfriends,” but they don’t really count. The first one was in high school. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I just said yes. I didn’t really like him like that, but, I also did not want to hurt his feelings by saying no. So, for three days, I had a boyfriend. When he told me he loved me after the first day, I knew I had to end it. The second boyfriend was a few years ago. I liked him, but he definitely was not on my level. He had no job, no car, still lived at home, and every time we went out, I paid for everything. The only reason I said yes to be his girlfriend when he asked was because I was lonely and it felt good that someone was interested in me. We lasted a month.
So, why have I not been in a relationship? Well, for one thing, I am picky. If you ask me what’s my type, I’ll say Chris Brown. My type is tall, light skin, and tatted. Now, this type is no good for me. They are the worst, but I continue to be attracted to them. People tell me all of the time, “Kiah, you need to step outside of the box and start talking to guys who are not your type.” Well, I’ve done that before and it got me nowhere. Let me explain.
I guess you can say that I have casually dated in the past several years, but there are two particular guys that I talked to who were not my type, but I ended up liking them the most. Shocking, I know! The first guy I met my freshman year in college. He was not my type at all, but I ended up liking him anyway. We talked off and on throughout college and then fell off after we graduated. We reconnected about 5 years ago. I remember he flew out to DC to spend the weekend with me a few years ago, but being the selfish brat that I can be, I sort of messed up that visit. I acted out when things did not go my way, and that turned him off. We fell off again after that and recently reconnected. He’s talked about coming to Atlanta to see me, but then I got pregnant, and we just never talked again about seeing each other. We both have daughters now! I think about him a lot and always think what if? Could this have been a potential relationship? Was it just strictly sex between us? I guess I’ll never know.
Ok, so the second guy is probably my number one guy of all time. We met at a bar, and my sister was the one who hooked us up. He was 100% not my type. He was 5’8 (I’m 5’7 so that’s short to me), and he wasn’t light skinned, but he was tatted. Honestly, he was not that attractive to me, but as the months went on, he became attractive. I was living in Virginia at the time, and he worked nights down the street from me. So he would always come over after work on the weekends. We spent so much time together whether it was going out to eat, or having a relaxing day in the house watching movies. One time, we even got snowed in together for two days. After months of casually dating, I asked him “what are we doing?’ He responded with, “I don’t want to be in a relationship.” So I thought to myself, why am I wasting my time if this is going nowhere. We still talked after that, but only for a few months. Eventually, we slowly drifted away from one another.
My dad asked me a few years ago if he was the reason I had never been in a relationship. I tried to ignore the question, but my mom answered for me and said Yes. My dad has always been in my life, but he is a workaholic, so he was never really home that much. My mom told me that when I was younger, she felt like a single mother, although my parents were married, she did everything by herself. When I was little, I would wake up in the mornings, and my dad had already left for work. When I went to sleep at night, my dad wasn’t home from work yet. He worked 7 days a week, so sometimes I would not see him on the weekends either. Sometimes, I would go days without seeing him. When I was younger, the little bit of time I did get to spend with him, I enjoyed, but as I got older, that changed. We just didn’t have much of a relationship as a teenager and an adult. My dad does not show his love through emotions, he is a provider. He will take care of me financially without a question, but I could probably count on one hand the times my dad and I have told each other “I love you.”
I just don’t trust men. I seem to attract the men who already have girlfriends, including my child’s father. I never find out about the girlfriend until after the fact, but I am nobody’s side girl. I end it right then and there. When I first start liking a guy, I go into it with the possibility of me finally having a boyfriend, but it never works out. Either I mess up, or he wasn’t tryign to be in a relationship in the first place and was just interested in the sex. It’s so typical! I am definitely over getting my feelings hurt by these boys. I always say that it hurts so much when I get my feelings hurt, that I couldn’t imagine how it would feel to get my heart broken.
It breaks my mom’s heart that I am a single mother. She has pressed me even more now to find a man. She wants me to get married but I never see that happening. In my eyes, all men are liars and self absorbed. I waste my time with them and I am the one who gets hurt in the end. Yes, I guess you can say I’m that “bitter black woman,” but look what life has handed me. I can go on and on about the guys that have done me dirty or just were not into me, but then I’d have to write a book. Maybe my prince charming will come along, but until that happens, I am not looking for him. I’m sure I’ll be going into my 30th year of life single, but in the meantime, I don’t mind dating myself.