Mother’s Day Week
It’s Mother’s Day week!!!! Big Salute to all the Mommies out here raising your children, nurturing them and being so selfless in all that you do! I celebrate all Mom’s but Single Mom’s definitely hold a very special place in my heart. Why? Because I was one, and let me tell you….I know the struggle, Sis.
Single Mom = Super Mom
I became a single Mom before my Daughter was even born, so my journey entering Motherhood was already stamped “SINGLE MOM.” No, I wasn’t out here scheming so let’s get that straight! I was married at the time for 3 years, settled, expecting a little girl. 6 months into my pregnancy divorce was the topic of the conversation and the separation began. If you want to read more about that stage in my life I wrote a blog on that entitled “Divorce, Debt, and Doubt,” so check that out! I say all that to say I started Motherhood as a Single Mommi so that is all I knew, my family has always been a huge support system for us and have helped me in any way that they can, but as far as my Daughter having a Mom and a Dad living in the same home with her….she was born with just Mommi. So, the weight falls on me. All of her needs at home are met by me. Multitasking has become an art and I’ve figured out how to get things done with the minimum. When she would fall, I help her up. When she cries, I wipe her tears. When she’s sick, I nurse her back to health and might I add, miss work (with the help of my Mommi, I didn’t have to miss much work because she filled in the gaps). I make sure all of her needs are immediately met to ensure the best possible life for her and that she doesn’t miss out on anything, even if it means sacrificing something for myself. It’s been her and I rocking out and doing life together and having a blast while doing it! This has built an unbreakable bond that I cherish every single day, there is nothing like being her Mom, it’s simply magical!
“Although it’s been fun, there’s been many struggles.”
The struggle doesn’t make you any less of a Mother…
When I first had my Daughter and knowing I would be a single Mom, it frightened me because I thought I wasn’t good enough to have her, like I didn’t deserve her. I entered into Motherhood now unprepared, scared with a lack of confidence. Already a new Mom I was treading on unknown territory on top of the feeling of “unknown” in my own life. There were question marks all around me and I didn’t know when I would find the answers to these crucial questions. How can I give her everything she deserved if I wasn’t sure about what was next? What I chose to do next is what I feel many Single Mom’s do, dive in. Forget about the uncertainty around you and focus on your child, being a great Mother and concentrating on their happiness. Their happiness brings us joy and contentment, so when my Daughter is happy-so am I. There’s going to be times the struggle feels almost unbearable, but never forget that doesn’t make you any less of a Mom, or that your love isn’t enough to raise a happy, loving, and all around wonderful child.
Your Purpose still lives
Mommi, never forget that although you have a full load, including laundry and dishes, you still have a specific purpose that lives within you. You still have goals and dreams that matter and we are all waiting for you to launch that business, write that book, start that blog, and continue to climb that ladder at work to make the difference you were destined to make. Being a single Mom has its unique challenges because you feel like you have no time or energy to pour into yourself after giving it all to your child, but you owe it to yourself to do so. Don’t hesitate to awaken that passion that’s within you, every goal that you thought is dead now, isn’t. It is just waiting for you to revive it! I know this from experience….after having my daughter I felt I lost my identity and who I was and what I wanted to do. I knew that I she was my purpose and that’s all that I really needed, however God knew that there was more for me, he pointed me in the right direction after I began to seek him for my next steps. It didn’t happen over night, and I’m still not where I want to be yet, but I have began to dream again and act on those dreams and set goals for myself and start to execute. Just because you’re a Mom doesn’t mean YOUR life is over, things may need to be sat on the back burner of the stove for now, but it’s still hot and it’s ready for you. Know when to pick back up and truly live again through the things you want to accomplish, not only are you changing your life, you’re changing the life of your child by fulfilling your purpose.
“He’s given her consistency, structure, and unconditional love, and for that I am happy this turn took the route that it did because I never would’ve found the one my soul desires.”
Dating as a Single Mom…One of the hardest things ever
Now this is a challenge that I never thought I would get through, Whew! I never really cared about remarrying or seriously dating someone because I was content with me and my Daughter’s life with it just being the two of us. 3 years in and I was in a routine, and unbothered. Now 8 years later I am engaged to someone who loved me through my challenges, picked me up when I fell, and loved me when I was hard to love and didn’t want to change my ways. Most importantly, he became the Dad that my Daughter really never had (other than PaPa). He’s given her consistency, structure, and unconditional love, and for that I am happy this turn took the route that it did because I never would’ve found the one my soul desires. To the Mom who is afraid to trust and love again, be smart but don’t deprive yourself of something that could be beautiful. Always put your kid first, if he’s the right one he will understand and even encourage you to do so. And praise God for HELP!!! That was one thing I had to accept, passing the baton (shout out to SRR) and form a team in Parenting. Everyday I am still learning, it’s difficult to share the role when you always had the final say. Life is about learning and I’ll continue to be its student.
Motherhood is indeed Magical
I’m a Mother who is Magical, not because I did everything right, because I didn’t, and not because I transformed into this perfect Mom, because I am definitely not that either! I’m Magical because I’m raising my baby with the best intentions and doing everything I can to ensure a happy and healthy life! You are magical too! If you’re a single Mom you have a little extra magic because you are carrying a heavy load, and it deserves to be acknowledged! Don’t sit on the sidelines, live your best life in spite of anything you have gone through and remember you have a Nation supporting you, MommiNation! WE get it, we get YOU! You matter to us and we strive to provide the resources and content to make your life as a Mommi a little easier and light-hearted, this is our community! Happy Mother’s Day, Mommi- you deserve it! Don’t forget to grab your Hashtag tee here!
-xo Mommi Brittany
Lauren (ricela83)May 9, 2020 9:18 pm
Thank you Brittany for your transparency. I divorced last year after being married for 13 years. To date, it’s been one of the most difficult and painful decisions I’ve ever had to make. I lost my identity in marriage over the years as a wife and mother. While I am healing through scripture and prayer, I have given myself permission to dream again and to even love again (eventually). It can be challenging being a #singlemommi, but I am intentionally setting new goals, one day at a time. Even when I battle with guilt and shame, I recognize in those weak moments that God is in control.