The stereotypical baby daddy. We all know one. If he isn’t yours, he’s your friends or your cousins. You may have seen him on tv on a court or reality show. You don’t know how you know one but YOU DO. The dad who only gives when “he has it” as if children don’t have needs when he doesn’t. The dad who has been trying to get on his feet for the last forever years but gets angry at you when you hold him accountable. The dad who agrees he’ll see his kids every other weekend and that slowly turns into every other month. He uses phrases like, “I’ll watch the kids,” like he’s a baby sitter and everything he does for them, counts as a favor to you. Like a victim, he speaks openly about being broke as if it’s a disease he unfortunately contracted. He’s always waiting on his tax return to proudly spend $50, you have to prompt, until next year. When it’s time to meet it’s always something. His car, he’s broke, his back hurts. Every now and then he sends a surface text, “Hey how are the kids doing?” but he never digs deep. He posts the pictures you take of them to social media. Writing captions answering questions his guilty conscience thinks people are asking. He’s usually being supported by a group of family and friends to whom he’s spewed a false rhetoric. As if minor things about your personal life should come into question when you’re the only one taking care of his kids. The support is usually led by a partner who keeps him gassed up when he’s really running on E. Telling him, “she’s only doing what you’re SUPPOSED to do!” Conveniently leaving him unscathed. Every Mother’s Day he sends a text telling you what a great job you do and how grateful he is that you mother his kids. But one left turn and all of a sudden you ain’t shit and he can do what you’re doing without a complaint. He does petty things that reveal his cards: he hates you more than he loves his kids. So sticking it to them as a byproduct of sticking it to you comes easily and almost naturally. You can’t depend on him to get them to a doctor or dentist appointment he can’t even get them to school on time. When he’s finally able to see them you have to send their toothbrushes and all their basic needs. Since they’re guests in his home there’s no place for their stuff, any time spent, it’s all anew. And I can’t leave out how half the items you send don’t come back but he never understands your annoyance. Since he doesn’t buy any of it he can’t even see the value in making sure it’s returned. When the kids get back you’re forced to entertain conversations about the false promises he makes them. Like going to Disney World and other fallacies, that he’ll just act like he never said. Oh, and by the way, he has other kids, ones he brags about being a full-time dad to. But you know with certainty he’ll do the same to them if he’s one day not with their mother. You somehow have to facilitate his parenting be it financial, physical or emotional. He can’t, he can’t, he can’t although he EXPECTS you to. He can’t meet but tells you “let me know when you figure it out”. He can’t pay for a school dance but says “send pics of my baby girl”. He can’t go half on a cell phone or the bill but is quick to take it in his lone acts of “parenting” . When his anger peaks he sends threats about how he plans to take his kids full time. You can’t help but get a good laugh knowing his account, his intentions and these threats are all the same.
As a society, we’ve decided how to handle these deadbeats. You didn’t lay down and make these kids by yourself! Take them to court, put them on child support and force them to take care of their responsibilities. Right?
But do we keep the same energy when the deadbeat is the MOM?
Sound off below! I know the politically correct answer is to say yes, but is that the reality? Would you have more sympathy knowing this was all about a mom?
Velecia Di’ShaunMarch 29, 2019 8:49 pm
This was such a great read and sure so many can relate. That ending though ???? I don’t have sympathy at all male or female… I’m simply scrolling to no end trying to find the rest of this article. ???? I never want them to end. Following for other comments ????
EderneMarch 29, 2019 9:47 pm
This article is very well written ????????
Describes my child’s father. Man or woman I have no sympathy for a person(s) that created life and feels like it’s an “option” to care for them.
I’ve been in a place where I feel like I messed up so bad when it came to who I decided to have a child with. And to read this article and see this man(boy) traits all over here, makes me think completely different. It’s not me.
Thanks for this
AzureMarch 29, 2019 9:54 pm
I thought I was reading my personal life. I have no sympathy for any dead beat parent.
Natasha S.March 29, 2019 10:22 pm
This is great and so spot on! I agree, go to court! And the gender of a deadbeat does not make a difference in my perspective. I believe that both parents have a responsibility to care for their child (at the very least, emotionally), but I think that a consistent financial lack is unfair to the kids and the other parent. Deadbeats have so many excuses! I am in this situation and Shari was spot on! In my case, the deadbeat is the dad.
ErynMarch 29, 2019 10:31 pm
This was honestly heart breaking , I was raised by a single mom and my dad did not do much to help. I do not feel sorry for Anyone but the children when it comes to these situations because the children are the ones that are affected the most by an absentee parent. Lastly I don’t think it’s ok to call absent mothers or fathers deadbeats because it is just negative ! I say take the focus off of what they aren’t doing and just do the best job you can do! Most of the time we know what we are getting ourselves into when we lay down and have unprotected sex with someone. So we shouldn’t be so surprised when this person does not show up the way we need them to.
ElleMarch 30, 2019 6:42 am
So many points, so little time. I was step Mom to a child with a Deadbeat Mom, that over a time frame of 10yrs, I saw in the flesh 2 times. When the marriage was over and Dad and decided to leave (and eventually become a Deadbeat himself) I was left with their child and no support, financial or emotional from either one. So there is absolutely no sympathy, male or female.
YvetteMarch 30, 2019 7:50 am
So true but the Disney world had me .Last year it was promised to my baby then I was told I had to go 1/2 .My daughter has been on may vacations out of the country I never got 1/2….. Ahhhhh life some women believe cause they carry the child they don’t need to pay child support…Talk about women that get child support and use it to by a Lexus ….
Jacquelyn RandonMarch 30, 2019 11:51 am
There is no difference, or granted sympathy for a woman deadbeat vs. A man deadbeat. What’s best for the child/ren, is always the focal point; no matter what!
Alycia WilliamsMarch 30, 2019 8:46 pm
I personally think it’s worse when the mom is the deadbeat, because the kids will always want more from their mom and it’s easy for them to manipulate them. I helped take care of my ex’s two older kids whose mom was content with getting them every other weekend until she got put on child support now her and her husband are social media parents and try to manipulate everything when they really just want a kid free life. It really sucks either way, but some people just are not meant to parents
JaniceeApril 2, 2019 3:48 pm
This article described my ex-husband down to the hurt back and the disparaging comments about the family that is currently helping him. In this case, though, when I met him, neither he nor his ex-wife were raising my stepdaughter. His mother was. Not only was she raising her, she had both the mom and my then husband on child support. After getting to know the mom, she had the same excuses and blame game that my ex-husband had. Now the girl is 17 and she isn’t here for any of what either of them have to say. I’m a single parent and I get no support of any sort, and I do assist him with seeing her because he has no vehicle, I will drop her off and pick her up. but I don’t feel sorry for him or the mom. Raising a child is not an easy task especially if you have to go at it alone. Moms and Dads alike are responsible. If the roles were reversed, he would have no compassion for me. I’m not in place to judge why any one parent isn’t being responsible for their children and I do understand that time get hard. I do however believe that we have to prioritize, if you can buy a six pack of beer, then you can give some gas money to take you to see your child. If you can borrow a car to go lay up and chill at your friends and neighbors you can visit your children.
SashaApril 2, 2019 6:55 pm
Ha! Reading an all too familiar tell tale! The disparity though obvious comes with little or no remorse from most of these men. As women it is sometimes easiest to pick up the pieces because, I mean, whay else is there to do? Somebody’s gotta do it! The plot twist at the end though is thought provoking, and I don’t think we pay enough attention to these instances based on societal standards. I knew one of these moms… and the dad does it well but not even the courts were useful im changing her perspective. Sad truth to our reality.
Thanks for sharing.
KCApril 13, 2019 12:21 am
Shari! Are you sure you don’t want to add writer to your reportoire along with crafting?! Because, your story telling is amazing!
And to answer your question, for me YES! I can’t a deadbeat period! Be it mom or dad! And not at all that I give deadbeat fathers a pass, but for some reason I find it even more offensive when it’s the mom.