I became a mother at 19. I had my 2nd child at 27 and my 3rd at 32. My journey through motherhood has been quite the experience.
Having a child at 19 there was no way in the world you could’ve told me I’d have 2 more children and planning a 4th! That’s right y’all, you heard it here first, our 4th child has been confirmed! Lmbo! We are NOT pregnant yet though! Just giving y’all confirmation on future plans! Now back to the original story.
Motherhood was not an easy transition for me. From being young and still trying to hang out with all my childless friends, to being pressured to feel like I needed to do things just like other mothers to be considered a “good” and “perfect” mother and then to being flat out told I was a bad mother because I disciplined my child. It left me feeling extremely insecure about motherhood. Those feelings, compounded with being young and not really knowing who I was, made me vow to never have children again after Aniah.
When Aniah turned 5 there was a shift for me. I started praying about my insecurities and God reassured me I was the exact mommi he had in mind for Aniah! *insert ugly cry* It was then I realized that I was not only the perfect mommi for Aniah but I was also the only one she was gonna get so I’d better get it together QUICKLY! I couldn’t afford to be insecure about the way I mothered her any longer. So I started shutting people down. I went from letting everything everyone said about my mothering skills affect me to being down right nasty if you offered even an ounce of advice. LMBO! Aaron, my hubby, saw my behavior and gently reminded me that not everyone had malicious intent and that I’d need to be able to discern that. He also told me in life, whatever people say, you can receive what’s for you and disregard the rest. And y’all that little piece of advice had my mind BLOWN. LMBO! I mean how easy is that!
After AJ was born I took Aaron’s advice of “take what’s for you and disregard the rest” as it pertained to motherhood because y’all, the advice and the people straight up telling you what you are going to feel like was ALOT! But it wasn’t until AJ was born that I started to realize so many things about myself. I use to feel like something was wrong with me or I was crazy because I wasn’t stressed out as many would tell me I would/should be. I didn’t have panic attacks if my kids went somewhere without me. My house was so peaceful and quiet, again unlike what people would tell me it would be. I realized y’all that God gives you the grace for your children. I realized that my mothering didn’t have to look like anyone else’s and I realized that I could still be Santana, care about myself AND put myself first and still be an amazing mother! (And y’all I’m dedicating a whole blog post to being a momma and putting yourself first cause I can’t even begin to break it down on this post).
Now that Aria is here I feel something like a pro! LMBO! The peace and joy I get from being a momma sometimes feels so unreal to me! Especially considering where I started. AND I’m saying this with a breastfeeding infant y’all LMBO! I want to encourage all the mommiess that are feeling stressed out, overwhelmed and insecure that YOU are enough for YOUR children! You are the PERFECT mommi for your children. You don’t have to have a trillion Pinterest boards, know how to make bread from scratch or sew your children’s whole wardrobe LMBO! Just being YOU is ENOUGH Mommi! I am so happy to say my BIGGEST INSECURITY HAS NOW BECOME MY GREATEST JOY ! *insert ugly cry*
Until next time mommies,
Mommi Santana ❤️
P.S. Don’t forget to follow my blog at Santana Nicole and on Instagram.