April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. We had a few contributors who were very brave to share their stories with us. If this is a sensitive topic for you, please be advised that the topic ahead is about assault. Our prayers are with everyone who is a survivor.
The toughest subject for any woman, teen and child to talk about is Rape. Shouldn’t we be able to tell our mothers, sisters or even best friends about what we’ve been through without feeling judged?
I’m currently having the thoughts “Will I be judged for writing this blog? Will they even post it? Will the other mommies talk behind my back? Is this really a safe space for me and other mommies, because I’m not the only one dealing with this right?
Take a deep breath…
I was raped at the age of 14. A very traumatic experience and I’m thankful to be alive. But was I really thankful? I remember saying to myself, “I can’t wait to grow up so I can forget all about this”, but I never forgot instead it replayed in my mind daily, tormenting me.
I was so afraid to tell anyone what had happened, so I kept it a secret. It wasn’t until we moved to the States when I decided to say something to my mom and sister. Their response was what I expected and it’s the reason most women kept it a secret. There was no sympathy, only blame and shame. Which made things worse for me mentally. If my mother and sister didn’t have my back, who the hell would?
Fast forward to me dating my now husband, where he noticed some odd behavior in me and would call them out. We would be in the middle of conversations, and I would often snap at him for no reason. Deep down, I know he didn’t deserve it.
“Like bruh, what are you talking about? I’m good.” But he knew something was seriously wrong and he was right.
I was Broken, Suicidal, Insecure and a whole Mess. So, I decided to open up and tell him about my childhood incident. Talk about” Doing it Scared”. This would be the third person I’ll tell this too, and wondered what his reaction would be?
As hard as the conversation was to have, I am so thankful that we were able to be transparent with each other. Directing me to seek counsel and staying by my side through it was a beautiful surprise. He didn’t run. He decided to love me through it all.
Oh wow!! I definitely didn’t expect that at all. This man really Loves me. He saw there was an issue, he now knows the issue and he’s helping me seek help for my issues. Ok, ok!! He’s a Keeper..
I started attending therapy a month later. Had to woman up a bit, because I’ve always heard “black people don’t go to counseling/therapy”. But WHY???
So many of us struggle with old notions of “what happens at home, stays at home!”
The Bible states “The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.”
Proverbs 12:15 NIV
I felt a huge burden lifted off me during my sessions and I enjoyed talking to someone who was
helping and not judging. It provided a safe place in which I didn’t feel shame. Learning to forgive and how to handle my triggers in unexpected scenarios were so beneficial.
I cannot say that I’m all better and it’s in the past. I’m a work in progress. I do have some down days when it crosses my mind. Then I’ll get a text or voice message from KP, Katian, Aisha or Shanaye checking up on me. Like how did they know I’m battling something right now? That’s why I’m so Thankful for the Mommination platform. We
are real women, dealing with real issues and the Love and Support we have for each other is Genuine…
I pray that this blog touches someone to seek help and not let a secret destroy them Mentally. Seek help. Find counsel. Surround yourself with people who make you feel safe. Build yourself up!
“The Lord is my light and my salvation— so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress,
protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?”
Psalms 27:1 NL