First, the title should be… How I self care as a wife and a mom of 4 who has her own business and just started an organization… but there wasn’t enough room. I am sure most are similar. Even if you do not have 4 kids or have your own business… we all are consumed with life and need self care!
Self care is pretty self-explanatory but to me, it is engaging in anything that makes you happy and helps you de-stress. It can be as small as taking a drive alone or as big as going on a vacation alone or with your favorite person. I TAKE SELF CARE SERIOUSLY. I’ve learned that when I make it a priority it’s better not just for me but also for those around me (especially those around me). So here are a few ways I incorporate self-care into my life:
My phone goes on do not disturb automatically at 9:00 pm every day and at 7:00 pm on Sundays. That means I receive no calls, text messages or any kind of alerts. I place my phone on the charger and forget about it! My phone is one of the most stressful things in my life both good and bad. Like most, I can spend hours working and scrolling through social media and not even know. When I cut it off I feel a sense of freedom and actually have more time for more self-care. It has also taught the people in my life that they cannot call me and I am not reliable after a certain time.
At first, this was hard for me especially with children but I had to learn that alone time is essential for my well being. At 9 o’clock in the morning, the twins take their first nap so I spend 1 hour here alone, in complete silence. I usually meditate/pray and drink my coffee. This time is perfect because my mornings are hectic, to say the least! From 6 am I am running around making breakfast, getting Jada off to school and preparing the children for the day so when 9 am comes around I am ready for that quiet time! At 3 pm, the twins go down for their second nap and Carter goes down for his only nap so I spend another hour here alone in which I will catch up on a favorite show or write in my journal. Now, of course, everything isn’t perfect and the twins sometimes wake up early or they may not want to take a nap at all but I make it a point to put them in their cribs at 9 am and at 3 pm no matter what!
So we live in a society where being busy or running around like we are crazy is a part of being successful. Not me! I use to be this way and I quickly realized that it is no way to live. I learned this from watching others and how crazy they look. We are so stressed when we are ‘busy’ and when we are stressed we tend to do things out of anger and for me sometimes yell and say things to people that I regret later. Now, I make it a point to plan out my calendar and the kids’ calendar and make sure I do not overload it. That means no back to back anything, at least one day of the week each person is completely free and if it lasts past bedtime, the kids cannot do it. AND if I am tired or just do not want or feel like going I SAY NO. Yes, peoples feelings are hurt but guess what? It puts me and my family as a priority and we AINT stressed! Honestly, we like spending time together (all 6 of us) and we cannot do that if we are overloaded with activities and events.
I am not your mani/pedi kind of girl. I haven’t gotten a pedi in like a year and no telling when my last mani. I am super ticklish on my feet lol and it’s something about not being able to use my hands for an hour that bothers me but I will go to a spa! 2 times a year I go to my favorite spa and get a full body massage. A 90-minute massage followed by a nice sit in a sauna will change your life. I always feel rejuvenated. I started doing this at a very stressful time in my life a couple of years ago. I even incorporated my husband one time and we just spent a weekend getting massages while staying at a hotel. This is definitely a splurge for us (in so many ways) but much needed especially for me. There is so much you can get through when you and your significant other are both 100% relaxed.
That good old saying if it ain’t broke don’t fix it…it really doesn’t apply here and honestly, we are all broken somewhere. I truly believe in therapy. The advice and the clarity for me is something that I rely on. Now I just talk on the phone with my therapist just for a check-in. Nothing major. With the stresses of today (ESPECIALLY TODAY) sometimes you just need some unbiased help. Someone you can release to.
So my absolute favorite thing to do is trying out new restaurants or trying new foods. I make a point to do this the first Sunday of every month. A bonus is to go with people who make you laugh and who you can really have fun with. This month I’ve actually taken this a step further and found a list that will help guide me into trying new restaurants in Chicago. I am so excited for this!
This is a big one and a confusing one for me. I go through sprouts where I become distant. I have very high anxiety around people and so to protect myself I push back. The confusion came from what I thought was wrong; that I thought there was something wrong with me but I later realized that I am protecting myself and my spirit and that it is just who I am. Whenever I am lead to back away from others, I do it without a question. This is so important in my self-care journey because as we all know, people can stress you out! I say this all the time… “sometimes exclusiveness is needed and it is ok”.
What are your self-care tips? And what are your favorite things to do to de-stress? Let me know in the comments below!