When we are young, we want to rush to be older like there is a hidden bucket of gold at the other side
of the rainbow. But with age comes a LOT of responsibilities. Aside from the bills we are responsible for
and the children we may have, our parents also age and need our assistance more. It is like they revert
to being a child. Things like declining health, loss of memory, immobility, and other things creep in.
Take it from me going through it with both of my parents, it is tough.

I am my Daddy’s oldest of three and my Mommy’s only child. Yes, it helps when you have siblings BUT if your parents do not have things in order than the added layer of having to figure out things for them during the last chapter of their life and after they transition on. I learned a lot form the death of both of my parents that I want to share with you.

1. While you are healthy get your affairs in order. I’m talking about setting up your Health Care
Proxy, who will be your Power of Attorney, put together a will, and make plans for after you die.
I know that this all sounds like a lot and you may not know the exact answers right now. But let
me tell you this, it is better to have something in place instead of nothings. One of my parents
had close to nothing in place leaving me to guess what they would prefer. While the other one
had just about everything in place and made the transition easier because I knew what that
parent wanted. So, guess what, even though I am completely healthy, I already started visiting
cemeteries and have some of other important things in place. Now I don’t plan on leaving this
earth any time soon. (I plan to live beyond 100 years old.) However, it does not hurt to get all of
this taken care of and not have to think about it…allowing me more time to enjoy life because
we all have our end date and do not know exactly when it is.
2. One thing people don’t think about is the fact of what type of care they want when they are no
longer able to take care of themselves. For example, do you want a home aid or be in a nursing
home? Either one, they cost. Recently I found out there is an insurance for that.
3. On that note, in a Health Care Proxy, you also need to identify if you want to receive additional
care if important organs like your lungs or heart stop working. This could be a conflicting
decision to make, but someone must make it so why not it be you. One of my parents distinctly
told me that they did not want to be resuscitated, meanwhile the other one did not and it went
as far as a tractotomy (breathing tube). Looking back, I wonder if that’s really what that parent
wanted, but I was also keeping the faith that they would come around. All-in-all, everything
happened the way it was supposed to and I made the best decisions at that time.
4. Find out if the hospital your loved one is in has a Caregivers Suite. That was a safe haven for me
when both of my parents were in ICU. Get this, they both were in ICU on the same floor 5 years
apart and the same Caregivers Suite was there to provide the care that I needed. In that suite
they had beverages, snacks, a quiet place to take a nap and/or have a conversation, etc. Plus,
there were professionals there that you could speak with to assist with making decisions.
5. Remember to take care of you. There are healthy things you could do in the hospital. I would
do lunges down the hallway and request more veggies with my meal from the cafeteria and go
outside for walks to get fresh air. Over time I learned to accept help because while you probably
could do it all, you have the added emotional toll of losing a loved one, so accept help that is
offered to you. It could come in the form of researching something, providing a meal, saying a
pray, and the list could go on and on.
I share all of this because death is inevitable. Regardless if we see it coming, it is not easy. So lean on
your support system and remember to lend a helping hand to others because every little bit helps.
The circle of life is a beautiful thing that has us on an emotional roller coaster, so buckle up and enjoy
the ride. Live your life to the fullest and love hard.

 

By Crystal Goliday