It’s funny because my two year old son asks me, “Momma you want some vine”? any time we are at dinner because he knows how much his momma loves wine… not “mommy juice”—- wine. I try to distinguish between the two, and no shade to the moms who love their “mommy juice” but that term for me teaches kids that mommy drinks this as a ‘relief’ and although truthful at times, that’s not something I want to put into my son’s head. For me, parenting would never be something I need ‘relief’ from, a break yes… relief no and I try to be very intentional in explaining that when I discuss to people why I’ve dubbed myself — a wine mom.
I remind those who judge my wine habit, number one, “What I drink doesn’t make you piss” and number two; I indulged in wine before I became a mom. Wine for me was a wine down from life (no pun intended), and now that I am a mother… it does the same thing, it allows me to decompress. It’s no different from a man having a glass of whiskey after work, or a mom waking up to her cup of coffee just to get her day started… we all have our habits. Its funny because I’ve inadvertently been dubbed the “wine drinking mom” on social media and the outpouring of support has been amazing. I’ve had so many moms come to me thanking me for just being me, thanking me for being honest about the fact that yes after I’ve worked all day then came home to cook, clean, bathe my son, fight over what book we read only to fight some more about actually going to bed… damn it I deserve a glass of wine, hell maybe even the bottle. Ashley Abramson of the Washington Post stated, “Opening a bottle of wine offered me a clean break from my identity as a frazzled mom. I could toggle from frustrated and on edge to buzzed and at ease in just a matter of gulps, forgetting, if just for the night, how inadequate I was, how absolutely gutted motherhood made me feel, how desperate I was to remember who I was before I had a baby.”Read more here
I say that, because we have all been there, there’s a fine line in doing something as a relaxation method and doing something as a coping mechanism. The wine culture amongst moms has come with so many mixed feelings for that reason. There have been many times I’ve had to reel myself in and say, “No wine for the rest of the week.”– sad but true. There have been times were I’ve masked the severity of my drinking with, “well its only wine” reasoning with myself that that’s much better than drinking Vodka right? One thing I’ve realized since becoming a mom is we are all just trying to figure it out, and that’s going to come with a few mistakes.
We need to think about the message the ‘Mommy needs wine’ culture sends to women,” “That moms need wine to handle the chaos of raising kids and life? That moms can only socialize over wine? That wine solves the problem of motherhood? None of those things are true, and the ramifications can be serious.” When you picture a mom who realizes she’s using alcohol on a daily basis to cope with a loss of control in her life, suddenly those lighthearted, funny memes don’t seem so funny after all,” Channing Marinari went on to explain in her interview for SELF
Ask me if be happy if I didn’t have wine… my answer is going to be HELL NO! Now, ask me would I be okay, and that answer will be HELL YES! Drinking wine does not define me, its something that is very very very enjoyable for me for a number of reasons, I actually like the taste of wine, I like the wine culture, most of all; I like how it makes me feel but wine is not a necessity for me, and I can see how it may be for many moms— unfortunately. Becoming a mom shakes anyone’s life up, you’re adjusting to no sleep, more work, more stress and in the midst of all these major adjustments you still have to be a functioning individual and not only care for yourself but also your kids. Downing a half a pint of Hennessey probably wouldn’t be the best choice, although marijuana use has become more and more popular amongst moms, that isn’t most moms go to, so its almost like having a glass of wine is seen as okay in any culture, in any race… wine is the safest option so I can see how the “wine culture” amongst moms is growing.
Kind of kidding but kind of serious, a comfort I’ve found in having the right mom tribe is relatability, of course being too relatable to someone can be the blind leading the blind… basically, we both can’t be a bottle in calling one another for advice because at that point I’m most likely tipsy and I really won’t know. (that’s really happened with my best friend and I before FYI) But, having friends who you can relate to, friends who also aren’t afraid to check you are key. I like being able to schedule play dates with my girls and their kids and our conversations include, who’s bringing the wine and who’s bringing the snacks… like I said judge me. In my opinion, being a mom needs to come with a personal judge free community because as I said before we are all just figuring it out. So if you’re like me and you want to come home and pour yourself a glass or two, “DO YOU SIS”, be conscious of it and if there are some underlying issues that may be contributing to your alcohol intake– address them.
Happy hour is supposed to be happy, and surviving motherhood is something that should always be rewarded in my eyes.
So cheers to us ladies.
Thank you for reading,