I have to be honest with you, when I found out MommiNation was doing a series on love and relationships I wasn’t sure how I would contribute. I have years of experience being a marriage coach for engaged couples and married couples alike, but how would I help? Many couples are all looking for the same thing, the secret to a long lasting marriage. If you’re looking for me to give you the secret, I won’t be able to help you. I’m still trying to figure that secret out myself. What I can share with you are some tips on how to maintain a successful marriage.

Friendship

No one wants to marry a stranger. At least I hope not. It’s important to establish a friendship outside of being intimate with your intended before you even think about getting married. Take the time to get to know the person you plan on spending the rest of your life with. Focus on things that you have in common and create experiences with those commonalities. Will your friendship last through tough times? When I was getting to know my husband my mom asked me a question that really stuck with me. “Is this the person you want comforting you in your darkest time?” I had to think. If I lost my mom, is this the person who would help put me back together when I fall apart? Would this man comfort me, or after a time tell me to get over it? I believed in my heart that I had the right person. As it turns out, he’s been my rock through many dark times in my life, never once telling me that I needed to move on. Work on that friendship, it should teach you a lot about your spouse

Communication

My husband’s favorite phrase is, “You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.” Ugh! He kills me everytime he says it. The point is, as women, sometimes we are so focused on getting our point across and proving that we’re right that we’re losing the argument by yelling. We can be completely right, but wrong with our voices. Communication is so important in a marriage. The tone of voice and facial expressions we use can speak volumes. It’s important that when we speak to each other, especially in our marriages that we are respectful of each other’s opinions. My husband can have the best news ever, but if I seem uninterested in what he has to say, or my tone is wrong, he’s not going to want to give me his news. It’s important to remember that in a marriage, you’re on the same team. The goals should be the same, how the goals are achieved can be different, but achieving them together should be the focus. 

Intimacy

Let’s be honest here for a second. Sex in a marriage is a key factor in maintaining a successful marriage. Sex should be a regular occurence. Even if you don’t feel like it, you should have it. There are many benefits (mental and physical) to having a regular sex life with your husband. Statistics show that sex lowers your stress levels and can also be counted as exercise. Hello! I can use all the help I can get in the exercise department. Other than mental and physical benefits I have learned over the years that having a regular sex life keeps both my husband and I in good moods. My husband is happier to pitch in around the house and he’d pretty much try to give me the moon if he could. Keep that fire burning in marriages ladies. 

Date Night/Getaways

It’s very important not to lose sight of each other in a marriage. Life can get hectic between work life and family life. In the midst of a busy season in your life, it’s easy to put your marriage on the back burner to keep the plates spinning. Invest in your marriage. Planning a date night or a getaway will save you more money than the cost of a divorce. Date nights or getaways don’t have to be fancy or costly. Setting aside a night where you put the kids to bed early and snuggle in front of the television will work wonders. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “Netflix and Chill.” My husband and I used to go on yearly getaways to Palm Springs. We would beg family members to watch our kids for a weekend while we checked into a hotel and spent quality time together. When our weekend was over, we were more in love with each other and it was us against the world. Take the time to reconnect with your spouse to create an unbreakable bond. 

Forgiveness

We don’t always do the right things. We lose our cool, we pick fights with the person closest to us. Oftentimes we say things we shouldn’t in the heat of the moment. These are all a part of being human. Emotions are a very real thing. The best thing to do when these moments are over is to practice forgiveness with your spouse. Don’t hold on to it. As women, we can hold a mental vault of all the wrong things someone said or did to us. No one can hold a grudge quite like a woman. I’m imploring you, for the life of your marriage, let it go. Forgive your spouse for the mistakes that they make. Your marriage will be much more successful if you’re not carrying around every offense your spouse ever made. And if we’re being honest, no one can expect forgiveness without first forgiving.